posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 10:47 p.m. (0) comments
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
it's been awhile :) i'm finally back to my old normal self! DRUM ROLL PLZ... --> i got my normal voice back, no more deep low manly voice... the coughing has subsided (minimal coughs here and there) ... and i'm back to my normal sleeping routine as well... thanks for all your prayers when i was so sick ^_^
for those of you who ask me how work is... lol... work is work... crazy, entertaining at times, good times w/ ping pong, some scary and intimidating ppl, challenging work, tight schedules with so much work to do, but... on the other hand...i acutally feel somewhat smarter than i did last term...not as lost as last coop work term :) hehe so that's a great thing! my $5800 tuition/term actually helps... good to know it's not completely goin to waste...
for those of you who ask me how winter retreat was? hmmm... words cant' really describe it. i'll just say God blessed us with His presence there that weekend... He spoke to our hearts and filled us with unity and community.... umm i don't really feel like saying much else... i think that if one single event centres around so much hype then it can really lose its focus... experiencing God is a daily gift... worshipping GOd is a lifetime.
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so i'm currently seeking God... it makes me think... often we are so worried about which actions to take in our respective paths of life that we focus solely on seeking God's will, and not much else... whatever happened to seeking God for who He is? i'm not saying that we shoudln't seek God's will for our lives...but that is not all we should be seeking... whatever happened to longing to deepen our understanding of our Father, of knowing more of who this God we worship truly is? on the other hand, are we seeking for God's blessings instead of seeking God first and foremost? are we seeking the "benefits" of serving such a powerful God instead of offering ourselves up to Him as living sacrifices? what does it mean to seek God's face? we sing it in songs, we pray it in prayers, we encourage others to do so.... i wonder what ppl mean when they say that.... i dunno if this even makes any sense... its kinda hard to put into words.. lol jumbled thoughts = jumbled words =)
=P tons of prayer requests... wrt personal, friends, family, fellowship, church, global.... if u read this, plz try to bug me about my prayer journal... it's been on and off for the past while... need to get back on track.... thanks for encouraging me johnny.. prayers are the best way bros and sises (spelling looks funky) can support each other... i'm really grateful to have so many buddies who pray for me even when i cannot be the most open about my pryaer requests...
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yesterday nite, i scoped my mom's Christian literature library... she loves to read those books... as i was looking thru them, she was urging me to read some she had recently read... and i was amazed at the passion God has given my mother... for prayer, to raise her children to be more godly, for supporting her friends... and over the past few weeks some ppl have tlaked to me at church about how they respect my mother... and how hospitable my parnets are... it's pretty cool... i haven't spoken to my parents friends in awhile... haha... i joke w/ tim and andrea about how "popular" our parents are... and in reality... i can see that God is using my parents to bless others... it's tres cool! :P
but nehoos..back to the books... i picked out 2 books to read over the next little while... 1) How to listen to God by Charles Stanley and 2) THe Practice of Godliness by Jerry Bridges... i havent' heard of either the books... but they seem to be interesting reads... i started the 2nd one yesterday... i'm hooked... it's so good... the first chapter's only like 6 pages...but it's sooo amazing... lots to think about... Bridge's definition of godliness is ---> devotion to God which results in a life that is pleasing to Him... this devotion is an attitude toward God composing of 3 elements (fear of God, love of God, and desire for God)... it's easy to read the book... but a lot to digest... in application... good thing the chapters are short =P i should try to read the book before i take my cough medicine... or else in 30 mins, i'll be out :)
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decisions: c? f? r?
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 8:00 p.m. (1) comments
Friday, January 13, 2006
Who am I?
What is the first thing i lose upon returning home? patience.
well...i guess it's not completely lost, but it's so much harder to control. life consists of many training grounds for building up various fruits of the Spirit.... ^_^ being back is one of them.
i dun think i've ever been one to suddently blow up at somebody... and i don't yell at ppl... i think my patience isn't really towards angry outbursts but rather patience directed towards inward thoughts... altho it may seem kinda wierd at first -- patience towards one's inner thoughts -- but it's a reality for me.
what goes on in here (brain) may never be verbalized but it comes out in my thoughts all the same. i think over the past couple of years, the.... hmmm...trying to find the rite word for it now... bitterness? i dunno...i'll use that for now... the bitterness has definitely simmered down... and i dun think it's suppressed, but i've slowly been able to release my burdens to God and i'm in a continual learning state of surrending my entire life to Him.... well humans are never perfect and i still have a lot of faults, shortcomings, w/e...
it's kinda strange... in little less than a month... there's been a couple of instances at home where for about 5 minutes my bitterness intensity level can rise pretty high... but then, after some quiet time and solitude (well... it's not the same as living on your own in waterloo solitude...but it'll have to do for the timebeing =P ) i'm slapped across the face with perspective, with thoughts about what Christ endured for our sin, and also with tiredness. an interesting combo.. but... as my mind clears, let's focus on Him...
*awe-inspiring* -magnificent Counsellor- ~Prince of Peace~ ^^Judge and Ruler over all^^
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missing my *casting crowns* music... o_O i've been without my 15 GB of music for almost a month.. haha... the stuff on my laptop is... insufficient =P ahhhh... never realized music was sucha big part of my life...
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at work, it's been 3 boring days of training...exact same thing as last year =P haha..but last year i dint'know anything... but it's cool... i'm already booked M-Th next week and then after that for 2 and a half weeks straight doing a review engagement at a client's place... crazyness... haha...last coop work term, i barely left the office... haha... it's time to bring out those powersuits i hate wearing... well... at least i'll be making use of them... work is work =)
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next weekend: uwccf winter retreat... will be interesting...lotza prayer... lotza prayer... and lotza good times as Chris would say =P haha
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currently reading: "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado --> first book that i've read by lucado... here's something i read this past week:
"Even beasts of burden must be turned out to grass occasionally; the very sea pauses at ebb and flood; earth keeps the Sabbath of the wintery months; and man, even when exalted to God's ambassador, must rest or faint, must trim his lamp or let it burn low; must recruit his vigor or grow prematurely old.... In the long run we shall do more by sometimes doing less."
interesting quote.... can we honestly call ourselves ambassadors of Christ? dang... that's quite a big role to fill aint it? well it is... one we should carefully take to heart too... but it is fully made possible through our Lord and Saviour. take apart our fears, our stubbornness, our pride... and if we strip everything away, what really lies at the core of your being? take time to think about it... can you boldly state all that you believe in? there may not be a time when we all can do that...but if that's the case, are we seeking for more answers? turning to the Word? praying fervently?
haha... it's good to try to figure some of that out before everybody jumps on the bandwagon to serve... first know what your identity is in Christ.
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 11:18 p.m. (2) comments
Monday, January 09, 2006
Time to Settle Down =P
so i've been in waterloo for a week and i jsut got back home yesterday nite... it was a really busy week, trying to catch up with everyone before i left for coop again =P
today, i woke up and decided to go and visit my high school... it's the second time i visited tdch since i graduated 3 years ago... the first time was after my 1B...so since then, it's been a good 2 years... 1/2 the teaching staff changed... and i was unable to see my 2 fav teachers... Mr. Groot, the guy who encouraged me to pursure a pure math degree and Mrs. Burke my piano teacher for 7 years.... that's ok =P i left them messages on the chalk/white board :D i got to talk with some of my old teachers... it was nice =P and as i was wandering through the halls... it was so wierd... i felt so old..the high schoolers look soooo young!! i went to the gym and saw a bit of a volleyball match between tdch and woodbridge college.. it brought back a lot of memories from when i was on the vball team in gr 9... so crazy...i suck now at all sports o_O
i went in to talk to Mr. Terpstra... the "religion" teacher at tdch.... haha.... he recognized me..but i dunno if he remembered my name lol...it's all good... he was telling me that the gr. 11s had just gone on a field trip to the Ontario Science Centre specifically to see the real human bodies there... right now they have an exhibit there with real naked anatomical bodies...of men, women, and children of all ages... even a pregnant woman... it was so disturbing just to listen to Mr. Terpstra talk about it... the "models" were cut up literally... cut up in different pieces so that the public can see the transparent body slices that was preserved... the models were put into different positions...some were made to look like they were skiing etc... so wierd... my teacher was telling me that some of the people who saw the exhibit fainted, went green, barfed... it was that different...and he himself said that he would need a couple of days to get over this expereince... but nonetheless, it was very educational for sure... i stopped taking sciences in gr 10 (well... + gr 11 physics) ... but this really caught my attention.... i want to see this exhibit...anybody wanna come with? it ends feb 26...
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so back to last week....oh first off... THANK YOU sarah and jessica for letting me stay over :) ... i think being in waterloo for 8 months is kinda rubbing off on me... it's kinda hard to let go...it'll be even more crazy when i graduate in a couple of years and not come back for good... yeah... a week long of intense conversations with various people... many meals *yay* food and THANK YOU to all who cooked for me!!!!
i think it can be so easy to talk about the happenings of ccf... and all the issues that come with it... the talks are neverendless... the needs are always there... the servers are always lacking... changes are always taking place.... stress mounts for many people who are on the verge of being burnt out and it's so easy to get caught up in it all... but there's one reminder .... take away the logistics... take away the burdens... and let ccf be a place where you can come and worship God together with others... thanks for the reminder for the both of us alex.
i've got about a month to pray and seek God's will regarding whether to run for commitee or not... yeah.... it's really tough.... i don't want to for various reasons..... but what i'm learning is we have to be willing to obey God in whatever He calls us to do.... take away the boundaries we place on ourselves wrt what we think we can offer to Him... He will use us as He wills.... can i say that i am willing to do anything He calls me to do? prolly not... gotta find out what's the problem....
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so work starts on wednesday... it's time to settle down... go to bed early and wake up early... the days of counting down to 5:30 when i can come home... the days of counting down to friday... and then April 30th... haha gotta get back into the work groove...
oh yeah...i slipped down some stairs yesterday! stupid slippery icy stairs... oh well.. hope the medicine kicks in =P i'm taking kid's motrin... instead of celebrex cuz i can't take pills.. i must learn the secret to taking pills soooooon! =P
on another note... it'd kinda hard having to adjust to living at home again... getting nagged everyday... for going out too much and for having a messy room...wow...brings me back to those high school and elementary days... haha the messiness part anywayz... i don't consider myself a very messy person.... but sometimes i let things slide when i get really busy...i'll always clean it up when i can't take it anymore =P but i can't do that living at home anymore... it's always got to be in tip top condition haha... my room gets checked for messiness at least 3x a day... crazy eh? haha.... and i'm getting used to the chinese phrases again... "more lazy than a snake" yup! that's me... these kinda phrases don't mean a thing to me anymore... dunno if that's good or bad... i've learned to have selective hearing.... haha....maybe it's the rebellious side coming out?
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 8:34 p.m. (0) comments
Sunday, January 01, 2006
1st day of 2006.... =)
sitting in church service this morning, so many thoughts entered my head... life is so intricately woven. i sat there thinking about all that my life encompassed rite now... (thoughts about evangelism, looking for a mentor, being home, dealing with home, spiritual maturity in others and in myself, ccf, visions, committee, being older, various prayer requests, making decisions based on God's callings, living a life of worship).... yeah... each one of those things aforementioned i could write tonz about... but i won't =P haha don't think i'ld ever finish it....
despite thinking about all these things, sometimes i forget a lot of important things in my life...
- i forget that God has blessed me with the Holy Spirit living inside of me.
- i forget to thank God for the bountiful blessings He has bestowed upon me
- i forget that He places each person in my life for a purpose.
- i forget to seek God in each and every decision i make...big or small...
- i forget to ask for forgiveness and repent for all my sins
- i forget that God works in mysterious ways, ways in which we cannot comprehend... and sometimes, there's no use in trying...but believe and have faith in our Lord and Saviour
- i forget that so many people my life and on this earth have yet to come to realize the glory of our Lord.
- i forget that i am not my own, but i am Yours.
- i forget that there is a lot of suffering aside from my own life.... that we are all groaning in this present creation in expectation of the coming of our Lord.
- i forget the lawlessness of our society
- i forget that i am called to a life of holiness, set apart by God to be sanctified and justified
- i forget that love covers a multitude of wrongs
- i forget that He is the potter and i am the clay... He will mold me and use me as He wills.
* and there's just so much more that i forget....
why are we all so plagued by our forgetfulness... ignorance... selfishness? these are some of the things i forget...and i'm sure you have yours too...
why am i not more mindful? maybe this is an ideal... something which we cannot reach... but should that stop us from trying? besides, who places these ideals in our lives? are we not trying to follow the author and perfector of our faith?
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i've never ever in my life had new year's resolutions or plans....but i guess i do have one this year...
1. Be Baptized in 2006... most likely in my next term in loo -- thanks to the various people who have encouraged me since high school to be obedient to God's call to baptism despite the circumstances i was in these past couple of years. ^_^ for those of u who know me now, keep me to it!
---- edit @ 1:27 a.m.
i can't stand bad tempers --> unfair treatment, unnecessary outbursts, blatant overreactions. argh.... o_O it really bugs the heck outta me.
again. love covers a multitude of all wrongs... must remember.......