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Monday, November 27, 2006

Restoration

1 week till the end of classes =) haha can u feel the excitement? i'm almost done my 4A term!!! then off to work on Jan. 2, 2007.

i had the chance to go home this past weekend... i got to TO around 5pm on saturday.. and didnt' even stay for a full 24 hrs until i had to go back to waterloo and group project some more..but neways, it was awesome =) got to see my por por one last time until she leaves for hk today... and i also got to hang out with andrea all sunday after church =) i'm feeling a lot more relieved now than before... again, i am amazed at how God answers prayer and how He is constantly molding and changing us from the inside out =) it was definitely a good choice to go back home this weekend, even if it was only for such a short time... it reminded me so much of where part of my heart lies...

for a 14 year old, she is unbelievably strong... and just in these past 2 weeks, i have seen tremendous growth and maturity on her part... haha and yet at the same time, she'll always be the younger kid sister that i've grown up looking after... haha the more she shares her life with me, the older i feel =) lol.. all the boy drama... there's defintiely enough to last a lifetime there just in gr 9... i've forgotten what it's like to be 14... all those years of searching for my own unique identity... those years of discovering what faith means to me... those years of fitting in and wanting to be heard and respected... those years of feeling like i was treated like such a little kid... hahaha.. yeah... rebellion =P haha altho i'ld liek to think i wasn't as rebellious as she is now, but i realize that i'm pretty biased =P haha

i think bit by bit, i'm learning how to let her live her life and make her own mistakes... she knows that i'm always there for her when needed... she knows that i'm only a phone call away and that i'll come home if ever needed... i really do love her so much =) it's great to jsut hang out again, even if we aren't really talkign about anythign in depth or even talkign at all =P jsut spending time in silence with those you love is such a blessing from God... hahaa..but yeah... it's like old time again =) tears of joy, tears of sadness all shared togehter thru the good and the bad =) hahah soemtimes i jsut wanna hug her and never let go and be there to protect her thru everything, but that's God's role, not mine =) but hey, God does a way better job than i could ever do and she's in the best hands =) God i praise you for your faithfulness that spans throughout the generations... i thank you for giving me peace. =)

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 12:56 p.m. (1) comments

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Spiritual Battles

it's been a fun ride =)

i dont' even know where to begin... but i'm really glad that God enabled me to get more rest these past few days... after a full week of sleeping around 4am each nite..and waking up to a fever, dizziness, headaches, stomachaches, and extreme tiredness, it's like i can see the light at the end of the hole.. =) i'm still pretty physically weak...woke up this mornign with a pretty sore throat which has lasted throughout the day... but being able to get rest has really renewed me...

this past week, everything was thrown at me... it's like everything that i care about turned into a mental battle... i thank God for sustaining me and for listening to all the prayers that were offered on my behalf... i'm so very blessed to have such loving brothers and sisters checking up on me and praying consistently for me...

quesiton is... do i have mental resolution now? i would say yes on most fronts... doing a lot better starting yesterday after beign able to get some time to myself... and being able to connect again with those i hold dear...

although in some ways this week was really really tough, i also see it as another day in the life of a Christian... battling fiercely in the spiritual realm... which also encompasses physical, emotional, and mental.... physically, well let's jsut say my immune system is pretty down now especially with all the gorup project insanity... emotionally, it's been a rough ride since last sunday... for all those painful emotions to flood up again... the tears... the feeling where you want to cry but you can't cuz you've got kinda choking reflex... and mentally...wow..let's not even go there =P haha.... everything ranging from major academic pressure/stress to dealing with family issues to ccf-related stuff and much much more on my mind that i just can't express here...

but admist all of that, to be able to stay spiritually close to the Lord... that's what is noteworthy... it doesn't matter so much at what gets thrown at me in life... what's more important is my reaction to it... how did i praise God this week, today, this hour, this minute... how did i remember and honour Him in all i do? how did respond to being physically, emotionally, and/or mentally exhausted? how much complaining came out of my mouth this past week? how much time did i spend together with my Lord in queit times... to hear His still, small voice admist my busyness... to be comforted and renewed by my Father...

i can't say that i did all of the things above all the time... but that's what's been goin on in my head reflecting back upon how i handled myself this week... was it truly God-honouring? well.. i'm sure that i over-stressed more than i should have... prolly complained too much for my own good... and didnt' get as much queit time as needed... but it's smthg to strive for.. to be able to be very very close to God every day no matter what spiritual battles i'm in on that partiuclar day... to humble myself before Him...

i think sometimes, for myself anyways, i can have a tendency to get too wrapped up in whatever i'm dealing wtih at the moment.. but relaly, many times, God just wants me to stop and focus my eyes upon Him... to remember to live each and every day for the glory of God... to start and end the day with the Lord's words hidden in my heart... and really just tkae a step back and not totally freak out at all that's been on my mind... to continue to be a strong witness and ambassador for Christ...

hang in there afm buddies... the term is *almost* over...

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 7:50 p.m. (0) comments

Monday, November 13, 2006

Fragile.

one drop... two drops... etc etc

mentally overloaded...worn out to the max...

spiritually strong...

can those two collide?

i suppose they can b/c God will never give me anything beyond what He thinks i can handle...

emotions... feelings... pained at what i see... love... healing...

i don't want to talk about it... i need your prayers... God is fighting this battle beside me, in front of me, behind me, all around me...

must carry on... must not let my mind overpower me... must pray pray pray... must try to concentrate on school even when it means nothing to me comparably... must praise my Lord... must worship Him... must find joy in my suffering... must rejoice... :) God is with me.

this song exmplifies what i'm thinking....

Chris Tomlin --> This is our God

 The refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years
This is our God
So call upon His Name, He is mighty to save
This is our God

A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness
This is our God
This is our God

So call upon his name
He is mighty to save
This Is Our God

This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful
This is our God
So call upon His Name, He is mighty to save
This is our God

So call upon his name
He is mighty to save
This Is Our God

This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 1:39 p.m. (0) comments

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Sabbath

God knows i need to spend more time with Him...

from my Charles Spurgeon devos book today:

"In season and out of season, witness for the Saviour. if it happens that, for Christ's sake and the Gospel's sake, you must endure suffering in any form, do not shrink from it, but rejoice in the honour thus conferred on you, that you are counted worthy to suffer with your Lord. Rejoice also in this: your suffering, losses, and persecution will be a platform from which you can witness for Christ Jesus even more vigorously, and with greater power. Study your great Exemplar, and be filled with His Spirit. Remember that you need much teaching, much upholding, much grace, and much humility, if your witnessing is to be to your Master's glory."

- Amen.

well i guess the past few days have definitley been "out of season" as Spurgeon deems it... irregardless, i have to witness for the Saviour and not let stress get to me.. i guess all the crap from school is a platform from which i can witness for JC even more vigorously and with greater power... i've got to keep that in mind... this devotions also reminded me that i need to study the Greatest Example -- Jesus Christ... i need to spend more time learning more about Him, his humility, his grace, his mercy, his power; i yearn to be filled with the Spirit.. i'm so thankful to God for giving me the Holy Spirit to help guide me and lead me in the way i shoudl go... to convict me of my sin... to speak truth to me...

i need much teaching...
much upholding..
much grace...
much humility...

i surrender myself to My Saviour, my King...

Praise the Lord O my soul, His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever
His faithfulness continues throughout all generations.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 7:53 p.m. (0) comments

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Strength

To say the least, this term has been a primary example of pruning times =)

words in my head:
- faith + trust
- surrender
- tiredness
- academics
- pruning
- hard
- strength

I need the Lord's comfort and grace =)

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 2:54 p.m. (0) comments