I'm okay guyz =)
thanks for checking up on me tho...i know i worried a lot of you after you read my post.. but i'm doing alrite... God is very much protecting me and watching over me... no matter how great the spiritual warfare is, God is always the Light that conquers all darkness. I read this right after a rather shocking battle... and it really says all i have to say =)
Psalm 143 A psalm of David.
1 O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief. 2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah
7 Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
----
i think after a series of events this past week, again i am reminded of how important it is to memorize Scripture... it is such a HUGE POWERFUL weapon against the enemy's attacks... i learnt that firsthand this week... so yeah..more personal motivation for me i guess to study and read and memorize more Scripture and to keep the Word of God internalized in my heart at all times... this past week, God revealed to me exactly why the word of God is the sword of the Spirit. (Ephesians 6).
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 8:25 p.m. (0) comments
Monday, February 19, 2007
Mental Fatigue
welcome.
today, i came home from work..and within 10 minutes of coming home, tears started falling from my face..the wierdest part is... i wasn't even thinking of anything... and when is tart to think, the tears stop, but when i stop thinking, the tears come... i do not know what is up with me...
it's been a very mentally tiring week... things ahve been accumulating to this point... and i dont' feel very good physically or mentally... there are too many things on my mind now..all i want to do is take some tylenol, a good dosage... and pass out and wake up tmr... funny, as pt put it, work is like my sanctuary now.
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 6:39 p.m. (0) comments
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Revelations
not mine... but the book =) it's so eye-opening...i don't know how else i can describe it...
over the past few weeks, i've been attending the "revelations" sunday school class taught by this doctorate theology guy and it's been a blessing to be able to learn about all these different trains of thought about eschatology as well as gain some understanding about common terms in revelations... and really catch a glimpse of some of the very symbolic meaning in the text.
haha... so it's 2 days in a row that i've been called "a typical accountant" hahah.. once yesterday by my cousin who commented how i was very conservative and my style of clothing reflected this traditional part of me... the other time was today by roy, my co-counsellor for agape... haha he commented on my accountant personality as he noticed how i was rapidly trying to copy down and "document" everything that came out of the sunday school teacher's mouth..haha i cna't refute that for sure... today i was trying to write down all these different trains of thought that were so intriguing =)
again, i only have God to thank and praise... it has been my prayer that over these months in toronto when i'm on workterm that i can be challenged and continually trained up in knowledge and in truth and gain a better understanding of all the complexities surrounding some hard doctirnes of the faith =) i remember it was only a few weeks ago when i was complaining to a friend and mentioning how it felt like things weren't partiuclarly challenging here in rhccc and it felt like things were usually spoon-fed... well i am now sitting here very extremely grateful for the opporutnity to learn more about revelations...
i can't help but wonder... am i ready? without even taking into account which stream of the great tribulation belief i hold... cuz it doesnt' really matter in the end... and with my mind being open to the fact that all believers may not be raptured before the Great Tribulation begins... that brings about a lot of emotions... in those times, it really will be like hell on earth... reading and learning about it... the seals, the trumpets, the horsemen, the beasts, the witnesses... it's really going to be so much suffering... but this suffering has such great meaning... again, i am reminded of the urgency with which we are to proclaim the good news of Christ... irregardless of your beliefs about the elected, the chosen, the predestined.... bottom line, we don't know who those are... only God does... so i gotta treat everyone with the same amount of urgency and truly show them God's love...
another interesting point someone mentioned in class today... God will protect His people during the Great Tribulation.. so does that mean He will provide spiritual protection, physical protection, or both for His saints? hmmm... very interesting to chew on... in the end, i think it's more of a spiritual protection for us...
i think something that is very hard for me personally to internalize is the fact that there will be very good friends and certain family members that may not be rejoicing with me in heaven at the time of Christ's return... i'm not sure what it is... maybe it's something about me being a human... i can't quite understand and even imagine what life is like without seeing these people ever.... and knowing that there is a possibility that there'll be eternal damnation.... like in my mind, i have always known this to be true... but it hink that because i have lived on earth for 21 years, i have not known any other way of living life... i don't know what it's like not to see them... and many ways, i really think i take for granted the time i have left to spread the Gospel... i don't know how long i'm going to live... i could die today, tmr, 60 years from now... and when i stand at the gates of heaven, will i hear "well done, my good and faithful servant?" will my life here on earth have reflected the glorious nature of God?
i honestly think that i need to be reminded of this truth every single day of my walk with God...
it brings more perspective to my relaitonship with God... oftentimes, i find my faith is in some ways secluded to the things that are important to me... my family, friends, fellowship, service, ministries, etc... i only think of the spiritual battles within these various areas of my life... and i forget that there is so much spiritual warfare raging in the universe... the world is gettin darker and darker and i cant help but feel like we as believers need to make the most of our lives and make a deep impact on this dark world.... i really look forward to Christ's Return =D =D
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 2:24 p.m. (0) comments
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Nameless Blog =P
i'm really starting to think that weekends are just inherently worse than weekdays..altho that might not always be the case, the past 2 weeks have proven it to be so... both saturdays i've woken up to the sounds and within 5 minutes of waking up, i really want to leave, disappear, and have absolute silence...
there's nothing much I can do.... i'm trying here, i really am... but sometimes i really think that it's starting to backfire on me... half the time i end up wanting to do exactly what i'm not supposed to do and the other half of the time when i choose to do nothing, i end up feeling like i have no heart or smthg... how's that supposed to work... i don't think it does...
so yes, prayers are greatly appreciated... i generally usually just need time to retreat, think by mysef, away from familiar faces, pray... and renew my mind again with hope, strength, and perseverance in Him... yeah... uusally i need to let it out... sighz.. it has such a big impact on me and my mental state for as long as i think about it without it being resolved in my head... man.. all this can really drive me nuts... la la la la
and breathe... this is day that the Lord has made.... we will be glad and rejoice in it... (song keeps recurring in my brain.. yay for music therapy hahah)