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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Meaningful Things:

1. Christmas
well this year, Christmas happened to fall on a Sunday and because many churches believed that Christmas was a family day they did not hold services on Christmas day. i was also looking at a blog that an American pastor posted and all the comments to it as well... it got me thinking... people with so many different viewpoints on it... i don't want to be another person that gets sucked into the post-modernism of the world and let my values slide... it's awesome to celebrate the birth of our Saviour.... the one who gave us life.

2. Time with Family
since i got home, i've been so busy chilling with all sort of friends... felt kinda bad for not being home very often...but then i'm gonna be here for 4 months...or at least, that's what i tell myself =P 25-27th was pure family days :D and it was awesome...so many laughs.... so many jokes... so much YUMMIE meaty foooooooood, so many good times... such valuable time spent together. i'm very thankful indeed for my family... hehe living back at home is definitely very very different than living in loo... it's a nice and welcome change.

3. Time with Friends
hehe... the birthday bash was awesome! thanks to all of those who came out =P it's really amazing to catch up with old friends again... hehe there are some where you know you'll never lose touch :) as time passes, God continually shows me how He has molded your lives more and more...

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haha....i think i am stuck home today? i was in my car with the engine on, with my sister beside me about to go watch Narnia..and then.... my mom opens the garage door, and yells frantically at us... we can't hear a word she's saying... so we roll down our windows and she's saying something about freezing rain, dangerous, car accident, over and over again... then she closes the door. my sister and i look at each other... thinking... if we had left 30 seconds earlier, we could have gone lol... but yeah... i decided to stay home and be safe and obedient...

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quote of the holidays: "Dad, where is your luggage?" -- Andrea, wondering why my dad didn't bring his briefcase to work one day. For 15 minutes, my dad tries to figure out what she's saying while my sister explains "luggage"... he insists that he's not goin on a vacation by himself and has no need for luggage... while my dad explains the story to me and my bro, he can barely talk b/c he's laughing so hard. HAHAHAHA... oh the joys of being home.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 2:00 p.m. (1) comments

Thursday, December 15, 2005

LALALALA....

hehe..i've been bloggin so often this exam period... guess i just need to get some things out of my head and be willing to share more with others =P

i was doing my devos today... and i think one of the biggest lessons i learnt this term is spoken clearly through this passage from Our Journey (online devotional) :

"Growing deep in our Christian life includes this process of coming to know and believe in God’s love. Our maturity is also linked to our embracing the truth that God loves us—passionately, eternally, and individually."

Isaiah 43:1-3, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

1 John 4: 18, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."
1 Peter 4:8, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

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it's been a crazie term :D hehe, especially these past 2 weeks... what is it that keeps me going? those 3 simple words: I LOVE YOU -- 1. between me and God first and foremost, 2. between me and my family, 3. between me and my friends, and even 4. between me and the world.

it's been a slow process....A) to learn how perfect love casts out fear... and B) to learn how love can cover all wrongs... very hard lessons to learn... what do u think those 2 things mean? i'm interested to see what u guyz think...

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i was talking with a friend a couple of days ago...and it struck me all of a sudden... how God chooses to shape and mold us through the trials he allows into our lives. they keep increasing in measure by "severity" ... that's not really the word i'm thinking of...but it'll do for now while i have this mind blip...

i thought about life since i entered university... i can pinpoint every major obstacle that was put into my life... from 1B to summer after 1B to 2A to workterm after 2A to 3A.... God chose these specific obstacles there very purposefully.... haha..it means that God's broken me down soo many times over and over again =P hehe..soo good!

in my own life, God decides to grow me through the things and situations that i least expect at the time... ever since i entered uw, i have been spiritually fed at ccf, cfc, kwcac, through friends, etc... but God didn't choose to prune me in those circumstances....for me, it was those other areas in my life where crap happens... it's interesting..and i dun exactly know why...

so since first year, each trial has gotten closer and closer to my heart... lol...

1B --> (guy issues...DUN laugh =P haha... only i can do that j/k)... and while it seemed important at the time, it really really wasn't... yeah... i was so stupid in first year. lol..not worth mentioning... just ask betty or lorna how dumb i was =P

Summer after 1B -- eeek... not good memories... this time God starts to hit even closer to home... literally =P hehe... looking back at my blog entries back then... the hugest trial centered around my relationship with my sister...and her relationship with the rest of the family and ultimately God... it was REALLY rough times... that was the first time in my life that I ever literally cried out to God... and also the first time that I realized the power of prayer.... God definitely broke me down that summer...

2A --> stress... w/ school... (to this day, 2A was my lowest academic term... ewww), w/ co-op... with serving at ccf, with my heart being heavy for certain folks that GOd put into my life... etc. etc... =P but yeah... that was the term God broke me down internally... and forced me to put my faith in Him and truly rely on God for all things... so now that God's broken down my interior... time for work-term...

work-term - 2B - 3A --> yeah..what a long one eh =P time to break the exterior again... and again... God prunes what is closest to my heart (other than God lol) .... family. it started rite during the last 2 weeks of my work-term (tax season) and then i was off to loo for skool again..and while i was in loo during the summer... God kinda didn't bring it to my mind too often... i guess He wanted me to focus on other things? (school mates, ccf stuff) ... the break in between summer and fall term was fine...and then comes 3A... all fine and dandy...until the past month and a bit...where God just repeatedly brought this issue to my attention over and over again... and each time, a part of me ached... and i think God's been trying to teach me the lesson of love... but i've just been too hurt to be in that mindset to learn... well..hurt no more... cuz i'm ready... ready to learn and grow and whatever else God has in store...

but u see how since 1B the issues got bigger and bigger.... altho at the time, each trial seemed pretty encompassing... it's like the more you grow... the more you learn.... then next up, God has an even bigger lesson to teach you... something that will break you down on a completely different level... (break down...not as in .. "cries, boo hoo my life sux" kinda break down... but more like finding who you are in God's eyes over and over again, and each time, He brings new aspects to light) ... and thus, your faith and confidence in the Lord also grows stronger.

and if u think about it... it can get kinda scarie... u think that whatever your'e going thru is bad... the worse is yet to come =P hehe...and it's kinda true tho ^_^... BUT realize that He never gives you trials more than you can bear... and if u really think about it... Matthew 11: 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

wahh...that's SO COOL!!!!

my my, what a long blog yet again... on another note: i'm TURNING 20 SOON~~~~ in 1 week exactly... ahhh...gonna turn into an old fart really soon (no offense to those who are already 20+)

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 2:17 p.m. (0) comments

Sunday, December 11, 2005

u know what? i'm completely sick of this. oh screw it. i swear tonite will be the last nite tears of hurt will be shed.

i am ready to take this on. God is with us. Proverbs 62:5

thank God for allowing me to stumble accross this Bible Study online (from In Touch Ministries -- Charles Stanley) -- http://www.intouch.org/myintouch/exploring/studies/PFSG_92264.html

first off...i acknowledge that i had a divided heart.
Matthew 12:25 -- Jesus said, "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand"
"The most potent means of destroying any organization, institution, or entity is internal strife or internal conflict. An undivided, unified family, church, or other institution of society can withstand virtually any external onslaught. But an internal conflict brings about distrust, division, and disintegration."
- internal conflict is so DEADLY... oh yeah... let's see if this applies: distrust yes. division yes. disintegration maybe
- God i'm sorry for having this divided heart. forgive me.

"It is out of genuine love for our families that we each are called to come to the position of saying: "I choose to love my family, and I will not allow us to be divided. We will come to know God and to base our lives upon His Word. We will become one in the Spirit." "
- Father, i want this so much -- being one in the Spirit.

It is out of love that we are to combat the forces of evil that come our way, in effect declaring to the spirit realm, "I love my family to the point that I will lay down my very life if necessary to see Satan defeated in their lives."
- oh dear... every time i read this sentence over again, the tears fall. but u know what? i'm willing to do it... i absolutely REFUSE to sit on my ass and complain. may God stir up a unquelching fire in me to pray unceasingly and IN FAITH that God is going to do some AWESOME stuff. Pray that I may be sensitive to His Spririt so i know what God wants me to do these next couple of months...

Any time we are confronted with a situation that seems to have the potential to "tear us apart," we must turn to God and say, "Let me experience more of Your love." It is love that ultimately heals division and brings about harmony in Christ.

hehe... now give me some of that God-love :P --> 1 Corinthians 13.

there will be no more tearing apart of Vanessa Li anymore.

^_^ as i remember my last post... i am smiling =P there is love.... and there's gonna be a whole lot more to come.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 9:21 p.m. (0) comments

Saturday, December 10, 2005


Here's the conversation between me and andrea this morning!! hehe...*yay* for sisters....

we're talking about family Christmas presents...and out of no where, she says
A: I CANT WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS AND FOR U GUYS TOO COME!!! (she typed it all in caps locks too! :P )
A: ^^
me: awwwwwwwwwwwwww.... i feel missed hehe!
A: HEHE
me: lol we will be home soon
me: and we will be home for 4 months :P
A: :D:D::D!
A: YAY!!!
then she returns to talking about a digi camera she wants to get...
lol..meanwhile...i change my msn name to --> *VaNeSsA* -- out, call cell -- [awww...andrea misses me!! HAHA]
then later on i say i gotta go cuz i'm meeting to go to Fairview with Betty this afternoon...
A: bibi luv ya lots!
me: AWWWWW
me: love you too dear
A: ><"" A: bibi
then Andrea changes her msn name to --> .andrea/- i52uSZE ><""- now i have like no chance!!! :(-HAHA VANESSA! I LUV U..MUAH! end conversation awwwwww.... hehe... me: ^_^ with the hugest smile on my face and so thankful for a lil sis like her... haha..she proceeds to call me twice while i'm driving on the way to Fairview... oh dear... :)lol...i feel like a giddy little kid... haha... perhaps i am at heart... these simple yet amazing things are the things that make me happie.... i dun need anything extravagant... just those 3 simple words... i love you - from my lil sis... hehe..miss her tonz.



I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!! forget all the crap.... i'm ready to go home... whatever comes... i think i'm finally ready to face it... BRING IT ON.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 5:39 p.m. (0) comments

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

WHO AM I -- by Casting Crows

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear'
Cause I am Yours
I am Yours


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i forget that so often... i am God's beloved... wow... so simple, yet so powerful....

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so much to think about... i swear the spiritual warfare is raging in me now... i can feel it... so powerful... both sides... yet i know God will OVERCOME completely... it's so hard... how is it in one 24 hr time period... i can feel ecstatic at what God is doing in those around me, challenged with the wise words of my brothers and sisters in Christ, passionate at the callings God has placed on my heart, deeply long for true fellowship to spread like wildfire at CCF, really happy that God is breaking down and remolding old friends to be more Christ-like, humbled at my faults and weaknesses, in awe of God and his utter majesty, --- and here comes... also the really DEEP pain that continually breaks my heart, the tears that don't fall...but they are heavy-laden... a bit overwhelmed, and some confusion as to what God is telling me....

Father I lift it to Your hands. Do with me as you will. I am yours for the taking.

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may we all live purposeful lives... lives that focus on things that are eternal.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 2:59 a.m. (0) comments

Monday, December 05, 2005

End of the Term Blog!!

I think since first year, i've had a ridiculously long blog about the whole term.... so here i am again... it's been an interesting term...

"We can partner with our pain and go on serving, praying, loving, caring to the end of our days. We can know strength of character despite our frail humanity; we can show patient endurance and love for others in the midst of our discomfort. Despite our momentary troubles, we can press on, for we have glimpsed the glory that far outweighs them all." —David Roper

i think this quote embodies what this term has been like for me... it was constantly a struggle to be renewed by God day by day... to fall at His feet... and yet continue to do what God called me to do... i think one of my greatest weaknesses is pride...

many times i just go about life and do things without paying attention to God's still voice. my life simply becomes too busy... and altho i aim to make it as others-focused as i can, it becomes self-centered... sometimes i just think to myself... "holy crap..what a prideful person i've become..." and those are the times that God's knudging my heart...

"showing patient endurance and love for others in the midst of our discomfort"... God has really taught me a lot this term and patient endurance and love... it's sooooo hard... and i know in many relationships in my life now i still lack it... many times, i can put my own pain before others... and how horrible is that?!?! and the thing is... i don't often share with a lot of people the kind of pain i face... sometimes it's really personal... and i think it's something between me and God and my family.... other times... i dunno... i'ld rather just not share and have people pray for me in general instead... God's been continually opening up my heart... showing me how to be more vulnerable with others... it's a slow process..but may God continue to break me.

it's also hard because.... sometimes i know God wants to grow and prune me by stretching me to the farthest limits... i think this term, God has opened my eyes to be able to see the needs of those around me... and with the many people God has so purposefully placed in my life now, God shares with me some of the burdens His children face... and at the same time.... God brings to light the crap in my own life that I need to fully submit to Him... so...at times this term, i've felt kinda overwhelmed... and now i realize that God wants us to be humble servants... what's humility?

(from CFC service yesterday)
"Humility is knowing, celebrating, and living out GOd's view of me."
WHEN I HAVE GODLY HUMILITY IN MY LIFE...

1. I celebrate who i am and where i am
2. i know a freedom from the slavery of seeking approval.
3. i welcome insights into where i need to grow.
4. i see and live a life as a gift.
5. i have a strong faith in God.
6. i see God at work all around me.
7. I am most like God when I am humble.

wow...just think about that last one.... totally blows my mind... dangggg!

so now the term's almost done...wtih 1 midterm to go (tonite) and 3 finals... pretty well spaced apart *yay* .... and well...then it's time to go HOME!!!!!!!! YEAH :D

haha... yeah that YEAH!! brings mixed feelings with it as well... and well..my blog over the last 4 months might have dropped some hints that things are not all fine and dandy at home.... and for those of u closer to me, I do thank you for your prayers and being patient with me even tho i am still unwilling to share exactly what goes on there... i was on the phone with my mom a couple of weeks ago... and well... 3 things came out of that conversation

1) my mom is completely paranoid about my sister and her boy craziness... poor mom...
2) my mom told me to "FIND A MATE" ahhh...yeah... my first "talk" with my mom about that kinda stuff and she goes and tells me to find a mate o_O oh dear.... she's scarie.
3) my mom told me that our family is under spiritual attack.

i shared a lot of laughs with my mom about 1) and 2)...but 3)...that hit me harder... and this is the pain that i've endured over this term... the pain that i can't exactly seem to let go of... many times i've tried... and this is what i deal with while trying to share God's love to those around me here in loo... it's hard... it is ONLY God who carries me through each day... my prayer is that God's name will be lifted high and that He will be glorifed forever.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 12:33 p.m. (0) comments