I think since first year, i've had a ridiculously long blog about the whole term.... so here i am again... it's been an interesting term...
"We can partner with our pain and go on serving, praying, loving, caring to the end of our days. We can know strength of character despite our frail humanity; we can show patient endurance and love for others in the midst of our discomfort. Despite our momentary troubles, we can press on, for we have glimpsed the glory that far outweighs them all." —David Roper
i think this quote embodies what this term has been like for me... it was constantly a struggle to be renewed by God day by day... to fall at His feet... and yet continue to do what God called me to do... i think one of my greatest weaknesses is pride...
many times i just go about life and do things without paying attention to God's still voice. my life simply becomes too busy... and altho i aim to make it as others-focused as i can, it becomes self-centered... sometimes i just think to myself... "holy crap..what a prideful person i've become..." and those are the times that God's knudging my heart...
"showing patient endurance and love for others in the midst of our discomfort"... God has really taught me a lot this term and patient endurance and love... it's sooooo hard... and i know in many relationships in my life now i still lack it... many times, i can put my own pain before others... and how horrible is that?!?! and the thing is... i don't often share with a lot of people the kind of pain i face... sometimes it's really personal... and i think it's something between me and God and my family.... other times... i dunno... i'ld rather just not share and have people pray for me in general instead... God's been continually opening up my heart... showing me how to be more vulnerable with others... it's a slow process..but may God continue to break me.
it's also hard because.... sometimes i know God wants to grow and prune me by stretching me to the farthest limits... i think this term, God has opened my eyes to be able to see the needs of those around me... and with the many people God has so purposefully placed in my life now, God shares with me some of the burdens His children face... and at the same time.... God brings to light the crap in my own life that I need to fully submit to Him... so...at times this term, i've felt kinda overwhelmed... and now i realize that God wants us to be humble servants... what's humility?
(from CFC service yesterday) "Humility is knowing, celebrating, and living out GOd's view of me." WHEN I HAVE GODLY HUMILITY IN MY LIFE...
1. I celebrate who i am and where i am 2. i know a freedom from the slavery of seeking approval. 3. i welcome insights into where i need to grow. 4. i see and live a life as a gift. 5. i have a strong faith in God. 6. i see God at work all around me. 7. I am most like God when I am humble.
wow...just think about that last one.... totally blows my mind... dangggg!
so now the term's almost done...wtih 1 midterm to go (tonite) and 3 finals... pretty well spaced apart *yay* .... and well...then it's time to go HOME!!!!!!!! YEAH :D
haha... yeah that YEAH!! brings mixed feelings with it as well... and well..my blog over the last 4 months might have dropped some hints that things are not all fine and dandy at home.... and for those of u closer to me, I do thank you for your prayers and being patient with me even tho i am still unwilling to share exactly what goes on there... i was on the phone with my mom a couple of weeks ago... and well... 3 things came out of that conversation
1) my mom is completely paranoid about my sister and her boy craziness... poor mom... 2) my mom told me to "FIND A MATE" ahhh...yeah... my first "talk" with my mom about that kinda stuff and she goes and tells me to find a mate o_O oh dear.... she's scarie. 3) my mom told me that our family is under spiritual attack.
i shared a lot of laughs with my mom about 1) and 2)...but 3)...that hit me harder... and this is the pain that i've endured over this term... the pain that i can't exactly seem to let go of... many times i've tried... and this is what i deal with while trying to share God's love to those around me here in loo... it's hard... it is ONLY God who carries me through each day... my prayer is that God's name will be lifted high and that He will be glorifed forever.