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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

:) hehe...sally burger can always make me in a good mood =P after talkin on the phone w/ her i think things are becoming more clear for me with regards to how to serve my campus next term...

i really do feel called to reach out to my non-christian frenz next term... and God has already laid in my heart a couple of people that i can really reach out to... hehe, mad prayer for them... so how does this relate to serving in ccf next term??

well, 2 days ago, sam ng kinda surprised me by asking me to serve on the ccf committee next term... i guess inital reactions were "ummm.... i dunno... " a mix of confusion and shock... and after clearing a few sterotypes up about committee, i've got a better idea of what committee does... iv'e been praying since last term for GOd to raise up strong leaders for CCF in the future years and new committee meembers, but it never clicked in that it might be me...

before sam asked me, i was already pondering how to serve ccf and my campus next term for the past lil while... and no answers were given within that time frame... so i've been talking with a couple people about it... and i do really believe that God speakes in many ways, one of which is throught he people and circumstances he provides for us...

i guess this is what i feel God telling me through various people + circumstances:

- I can't be serving on committee for any selfish or prideful reasons....
- prayer. prayer. prayer. prayer.
- when i feel doubtful that i am in any way capable of this, I am reminded that it is God working in me, not me. others have confidence in me even when i don't have confidence in myself...
- spiritual leaders must be be solidly grounded.... something which i feel that i am kinda lacking... i can't just lead a bunch of stuff, wihtout being spitutally fed myself on a regualar basis... (ie. sunday skool)...
- a vision for next term to truly reach out to my peers who dun currently attend ccf and build stronger relationships w/ them...
- there are plenty of ccf-related service opportunitites next term. not jsut committee...
- i really need to commit my whole life to God 100% --> with regards to balanceing skoolwork and keeping my focus on God...
- and finally, PRAYER PRAYER PRAYER. i do love ccf and view it as my home fellowship and i'm sure that GOd has wonderful things in store for it next term and in the future years to come...

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 8:48 p.m. (0) comments

Friday, March 18, 2005

whatta week...

this past week has been pretty rough for me... lol, and after sharing w/ a small group tonite about my current struggles, one guy said that i have no life.. haha... that's so sad =P hmmm... so tonite i went to fellowship and i guess since i started attending cantonese fellowship and sunday skool recently, tonite's fellowship was the most challenging for me to understand... it wasnt' because i lacked the chinese skillz (well i do, but that's not my point =P ) but rather, it was that i was too exhausted to try to pay attention... if u think that i zone out a lot when people are speaking englihs to me, chinese is way worse!! =P cuz if i dun concentrate on what the people are saying, i won't understand... and tonite, my mind could not focus on the speaker and the small group... i guess it means that i'm way too exhausted.... or rather, i'm too lazie to listen more attentively... i wanted to go to fellowship but once i got there, i found it so hard to stay focused... i wasn't even thinkin of other things while other people were talking... instead, i just mentally zoned out...

this week has been sooo stressful... mostly due to work... it even got to the point this week when i questioned whether or not accounting is the rite profession for me...cuz it seems like i never know what the heck i'm doin at work and it's so frustrating... i'm frustrated that bosses expect me to understand everything, frustrated that skool never taught me anything related to the work i do, frustrated period. earlier on in the term, i once said that the work stress does not follow me home...well... i feel much more relieved once i'm at home..but i can feel the stress building up...

i know this stress is unhealthy... and i really pray that God can gtive me the strength and willpower to completely surrender my whole life to HIm --> and this includes work... GOd is deifnitely stretching what seems to be my limits of faith... but here's the kicker: there should be no limit to how much faith and trust i put in God and with faith comes obedience... have i been obedient to God as of late? i dunno... all i know is that i really need God rite now... I can feel Him in my life now and i defintiely see how He is continally answering prayers and i know He's watching over those around me... but.... there are still times when i feel distant... but i know this: when i cling on to His promises and think about what He has done in the past, there is no doubt in my mind that He's got everything under control... faith when the world around me is shaking... faith and obedience to His will when the world around me is shaking...

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 10:36 p.m. (0) comments

Sunday, March 06, 2005

hmmm...lotz of things to think about =P

first things first...

1. Praise God!!!! :D i think that God has put in my heart a new passion!!!!!! =P hehe... and it'ld be a wonderful topic to lead a cell group on in the summer... GOd has laid this on my heart during today's wonderful sermon at rhccc... and here's the idea: cultivating spiritual relationships... (or in rev. sam chan's words: spiritual multiplication) the main objective is to glorify God through relating to others the way Jesus related with us:
this can be in the form of mentorship, accountability, friends, family, and especially new believers...
a) Jesus helped people get to know God. Likewise, we should be helping those in our circle of influence know God more through a variety of ways including: teaching them how to memorize Scripture, doing simple Bible studies with them, and bringing them to church/fellowship. Those are just some simple things u can do. THe most important thing is to lead by example. Why? If new believers and non-believers know that you are a Christian, but you are not leading a godly life, they would associate your behaviour with your god. And as new believers, they may be confused as to how to act "in a CHristian manner" ...so they will look to you as a role model. So think hard about examining yourself and how you present GOd in your life to those around you.
b) Jesus taught them God's Word. Pastor Sam made a good point today... a lot of us think that we should let the pastors, the mentors, the "spiritually high" people teach them God's word, instead of teaching them ourselves... we may think its their duty..but in fact, it is ours... and we are fully capable in Jesus Christ to share with them the Gospel and our insight... all you need is to be willing to allow God to use you in whichever way He plans.. do not step down from the challenge GOd has given you... be obedient.
c) Jesus prayed for them. Again, Pastor Sam makes an excellent observation... when praying for those in our realm of influence, we tend to pray for their specific needs. THis is good, but it's not enough. We need to dig deeper and pray that:
- They'll live for Christ Joyfully. in their everday worship of God.
- They'll grow strong spiritually.
- They'll serve Christ effectively.
- They'll bring others to Christ regularly.
- They'll experience fellowship personally.
d) Jesus built His character into them.
e) Jesus guarded their Spiritual Growth.
- on a physical level: nutrition, food
- on a mental level: keep watch on what they are filling their minds with. is it pleasing to God, or will it deter their faith?
- on a spiritual level: their dignity and self-esteem...
f) Jesus released them to serve God's purpose.
g) Jesus modeled commitment. commit yourself to those God has put into your life. (a) to (f)

as i look back on this morning's service... I truly thank Jesus for setting the perfect example for us. Time and time again, He touches my heart and just fills my heart with gladness :) Jesus cared soooo much for us.. and I just wanna share God's love so much with those around me... it will be very hard at times, no doubt...and there may be things standing in the way, but i hold onto GOd's promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us. It just brings a smile to my face to think of the day when all the relationships in my lfie GOd has really blessed me with turn into a cultivating spiritual relationship modelled after Jesus himself. i can think rite now of many close friends and family who are a large part of my life and i really hope that Christ will continue to mold me so that i can become a committed worker for Him. I know in many of my current relationships, i lack many of the things i mentioned above in (a) to (g)... but i know GOd can do anything...i have experienced his awesome power and grace..... hehe, God's so cool :D


now..... onto some current struggles of mine:

2. i guess GOd is still teaching me how to love my family even more... how to understand and relate to them better... it seems that whenever i lose some faith and grow more distant with GOd, it is due to problems back at home.... God has been taking such good care of me thru my struggles whenever i'm in watelroo...but when i face some of the hardest trials here back at home, I can feel God tuggin my heart again and again.. and i'm constantly learning how my family dynamics work at home..and how they dont' work =P and each day, i'm learning to have more faith in GOd.

i really thank God now that me and my mom can actually talk about pretty personal stuff relating to our family... i can really see that she's changing to becoming more Christ-like..and we both identified some of hte problems within our family adn what the root causes were.... so she and i both know one of the biggest factors is my dad's stubbornness... he's kinda like the "i'm the man of the house so anything i say goes" -type guy... i mean...he's an awesome, really smart, sacrifical dad... but i guess many times, he lets his temper get the best of him..and all of us (me, my siblings, and my mom) get caught at the receiving end... and i've noticed something about myself since i came home in december....i've become way more emotional than i used to be... i mean....it wasn't like i hid my true feelings from people, but i never seemed to cry often at all...not that i do now, but just more easily than before... and it's always due to family issues...

i dunno if this is a good thing or not....i have completley learned to tune out when my dad gets really really pissed... it's not totally out of rebellion...but i guess more as a response to his yelling... in my heart i know that he means well and yelling at me is his way of showing his love towards me...so i've accepted it... and i take the "moral" of the lecture he gives me and i really do think abou tit and try to change myself for the better... i guess jsut over my 19 years of life, before i learned to apprecaite his lectures, i developed quite a lot of resentment towards him earlier on in my life.... and i hope that i've given it to God and repented....but still, here and there in the present times, i still find myself getting furious at his short-temper if it's aimed towards me or my other family members... and i know that sometimes in my anger i do sin by harbouring such bad feelings towards him.... and i'm constantly learnikng to stop myself before gettign to that point...and praise GOd.... it's kinda been working recently....

hmmm...tha'ts it for now...

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 2:01 p.m. (0) comments

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

God is in control..

well, as part of this week's sunday skool "homework," we were told to choose a phrase and then meditate on it for like one minute each morning..and i chose: God is in control...

I chose this particular phrase because I find that when my spiritual journey with Him weakens, it is because I have tried to control my own life by myself instead of submitting to God's control. And I know that this is not only my own struggle, but i guess everyone also struggles with it too...

right now, i'm not in one of those spritually empty phases of my life now, but that's not to say that I am not currently facing my fair share of issues... but this meditation thing is working =P i say it repeatedly to myself and to God... and after every time i say it, my mind thinks of another issue in my life or in those around me and then i repeat that God is truly in control... it feels very good to release each day's issues into His hands right from the beginning of the day.

as you may or may not know, these past 2 - 3 weeks has been quite refreshing for me.. I have rediscovered the joy of going to sunday skool and learning, the importance of friends and family, and just the person God is shaping me into becoming...

and i think that an incident this week really ignited my passion for prayer once again..... yes... it's time to begin writing in my prayer journal once again... after about a month 1/2 of not writing... i'm just sorrie that i didn't start writin in it agian earlier.. God has been so faithful... and stupid me... got so lazie when i started working..and my excuse was always "i'm so tired at the end of the day to really sit down and write in it." i know... bad me... yup...now that devos are up and running.... my prayer life's gotta get moving =P i'm so excited...i know GOd's got some AWESOME things planned...

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 2:11 p.m. (1) comments