this past week has been pretty rough for me... lol, and after sharing w/ a small group tonite about my current struggles, one guy said that i have no life.. haha... that's so sad =P hmmm... so tonite i went to fellowship and i guess since i started attending cantonese fellowship and sunday skool recently, tonite's fellowship was the most challenging for me to understand... it wasnt' because i lacked the chinese skillz (well i do, but that's not my point =P ) but rather, it was that i was too exhausted to try to pay attention... if u think that i zone out a lot when people are speaking englihs to me, chinese is way worse!! =P cuz if i dun concentrate on what the people are saying, i won't understand... and tonite, my mind could not focus on the speaker and the small group... i guess it means that i'm way too exhausted.... or rather, i'm too lazie to listen more attentively... i wanted to go to fellowship but once i got there, i found it so hard to stay focused... i wasn't even thinkin of other things while other people were talking... instead, i just mentally zoned out...
this week has been sooo stressful... mostly due to work... it even got to the point this week when i questioned whether or not accounting is the rite profession for me...cuz it seems like i never know what the heck i'm doin at work and it's so frustrating... i'm frustrated that bosses expect me to understand everything, frustrated that skool never taught me anything related to the work i do, frustrated period. earlier on in the term, i once said that the work stress does not follow me home...well... i feel much more relieved once i'm at home..but i can feel the stress building up...
i know this stress is unhealthy... and i really pray that God can gtive me the strength and willpower to completely surrender my whole life to HIm --> and this includes work... GOd is deifnitely stretching what seems to be my limits of faith... but here's the kicker: there should be no limit to how much faith and trust i put in God and with faith comes obedience... have i been obedient to God as of late? i dunno... all i know is that i really need God rite now... I can feel Him in my life now and i defintiely see how He is continally answering prayers and i know He's watching over those around me... but.... there are still times when i feel distant... but i know this: when i cling on to His promises and think about what He has done in the past, there is no doubt in my mind that He's got everything under control... faith when the world around me is shaking... faith and obedience to His will when the world around me is shaking...