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Monday, June 28, 2004

2 months of my summer vacation are GONE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this is crazie!!! i cna't believe that i've already spent 2 months of my summer vacation... this sux... it seems so short, yet HAHA..it's like twice as long as all the previous summer vacations i've had in high skool and elementary skool. i guess i've done quite a lot with my summer so far, yet it really doens't seem like it =P

hehe.. oh goodness...i've been talking to a couple of my friends about their relationship problems (haha..no names now!). When i hear of all these stories of what my friends are going thru, it just makes me come to the conclusion that i dun want any part in it.. sure, there are it's advantages of being in a relationship, but i dunno..they just dun seem to outweight the disadvantages, which is just fine with me! haha..i'm actually really enjoying my single life now. i mean, sure... it'ld be nice to find that guy yur meant to spend the rest of yur life with now..but i'm really not in the hurry for it at all. i think i've realized that at this stage of my life, i'm better off being single. dun get me wrong, for those of u in a realtionship or heading into a relatinship, i wish u all the best, i really do and if i can help u in any way, just ask ^_^ . i just think over the past while, i've proved to myslef that i'm in no shape for a relationship. my mind goes all wacky and the stress builds. and really, is there a need for all the stress? why put myself thru that if i'm not even sure if i want anything to happen? meh!~ haha... i'm really learning that i'm rite where GOd wants me to be! and i'm SURE LUVIN IT! there's no better place to be than rite where He wants u to be. After all, EVERY DAY IS A BLESSED DAY! why???

1. Because GOd is watching over me! YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!
a) when i am hurt, Jessus will settle the score.
b) when i am wounded, Jesus will soothe my wounds.
c) when i am lonely, Jesus will satisfy my needs.
i) with hope
ii) with luv
iii) with joy

2. Because Heaven is waiting for me!!! i can't wait!!!
a) when i am in doubt, Jesus will remind me of His promise.
b) when i am in suffering, Jesus will restore me to His presence.
c) when i am lost, Jesus will return me to His person.

Man, i wish all my frenz have this relationship with my God!

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 10:11 p.m. (0) comments

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

well, this update will be short~ just wanted to make things clear.. well, a couple of days ago, i asked him where we were rite now.. and i'm really glad that we finally both seem to be on the same pace - we both wanna be friends *yay* and no more of those overstressful lovey-dovey worries! we both seem to be well on the way of "getting over" each other..and this is a very good step =P we're gonna keep building our friendship. Thank God.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 7:23 p.m. (0) comments

Monday, June 14, 2004

This summer, i wanted to find a "home" church that i could go to when i'm back at home during weekends and when i have co-op, but it doesn't seem like that's gonna happen. From, Upper Room, i really felt that God was telling me that He's happy with me right where I am. So, i guess the plans have changed this summer~ i had actually wanted to get baptized sometime durign this summer if possible, but i guess it's God's timing... i'm not quite sure when that is, but again, I'm where God wants me to be, but at the same time, i cna't ignore God's plan for me so... yeah! hehe...so far, i've visited Markham Chinese Baptist Church (Mike's church), Toronto Chinese Mennonite Church (Jeff's church), and Orthodoz Christian Reformed Church of Toronto (Louise's church).

I actually really enjoyed the service and worship at MCBC, but the community there wasn't especially warm and friendly. Both Lorna and I felt the same way, so actually this upcoming week we'll be visiting her friend's church. it was nice to see some summer skool friends again~ Yeah... surprisingly, or maybe not so much, i didn't get to see Mike there. I actually think that's a very good thing, because I think that would distrct me from the service for sure. i know things will always be unresolved regarding him, but u know, there's always that little hope.. haha, lorna and i talked about my "plan of action" when i would see him, but that day never came, so good! no need for me get flooded with all Mike emotions again, not that it would surely happen. they're more like pissed of at mike emotions haha. well, i guess the first always remains a part of ya eh? lol, just memories.... =P

On to the 2nd church, well, this would be jeff's church. the worship was awesome here and their new pastor was good. Storing your treasures in heaven was a very good reminder, i know that someitmes i store them here on earth... I liked the sermon, but it reminded me of TC-like sermon. it didn't go into as much depth as i expected, but that's ok. there was a bit of awkwardness at his church cuz when i was introduced to some of jeff's friends, i got the feelings that they already knew stuff about me... and knowing how complicated out situation is.. yeah... i dunno what's going on here. i know the time i was in hk was good for me, just to kinda relieve myslef from these stresses for a bit and figure out what's goino n. and i thougth i knew.. but after keeping closer contact with him recently, i dunno again... sighz..such a complicated thing. plus, i dunno what he's feeling.. i think we need to talk about it soon...

well, Louise's church! actually, i really really enjoyed Louise's chruch. i was so impressed with the church... i had been kind of expecting the same style as the previous Christian Reformed chruches that i've been to, but this church struck me as very very different. I liked the sermon a lot, it was on 'the significnace of profession of faith". Although the worhsip style is different, we can still worship God through differnet musical styles..it's what comes from the heart, and this chruch definitely has heart! the people at this chruch were sooooo friendly! i felt right at ease at this church. i chatted with some of Louise's friends, all of which were very friendly and open..not just shallow talk, but even on a deeper level.. and it's always awesome to see a sister in Chrsit take the next step of faith in the profession. i feel bad for not keeping in contact with Louise over the past 2 years, but i do intend to chill with her, mandy, and perhaps joyce over the summer.. that'ld be really nice. hehe, and it's always nice to see mandy! *yay*

Each of these churches is extremely differnt from one another. i find it quite facinating actually. i never understand why there has to be so much church politics amongst different church denominations. this is one thing that i get so confused about, especially since going to TDCH, where it is predominantly Dutch Christian Reformed. we're all brothers and sisters in Christ with the same mission. we dont' have to agree on every doctine, but we should be united. this is something that i'll look more into.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 9:08 p.m. (0) comments

Monday, June 07, 2004

o_O rite now..i'm on the verge of tears... my heart inside is so heavy... the more i think about Andrea, i know the tears are gonna come out. God, rite now, i'm crying out to u. Lord, i know she is sooooo unbelievably far from u and the things she said tonite hurt me deeply, but i know that it hurts you way deeper. God, show me what i can do. both my parents and i really need your guidance. Lord, i'm so worried about her rite now... i know that everything is in your hands, but i still feel so unhappy. Lord, i know that you will never let go of her, and i pray that she will be able to see You for who you are, not some entity my parents or her teachers have told her to believe, that she'll believe for herself and really have that personal relaitonship with you Lord. most of all, i ask that you'll change her heart Lord... i dont' know exactly what's the center of her life rite now, but it's definitely not You GOd. it pains me so much to see her everyday falling farther and farther away from your presence. i know there's only so much outisde ppl (me, family, friends, teachers) can do for her b/c it's really between You and her. Lord, i just pray that she'll find her way back to you. i don't know when this will happen, of coz i want it tob e sooner rather than later..but it's in Your time, not mine. God, i love her so much...

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 7:41 p.m. (0) comments