posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 12:48 p.m. (1) comments
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
the most exhausting day of my university life has just passed....
- the day started off with an 8:30 class...and we all know how much i hate those... because my enrollment appointment was at 11:00.
- i went into class and instead of the usual business IT questions on the slide show. All the slide show read was "discuss changing to midterm format"
- i start to think to myself, "ok...that's cool..maybe the prof will add some multiple choice here and there and some short answer instead of purely 6 long answer essay qusetions"
- DUN DUN DUN..... that is obviously not what happened.... ahhhhh..... here is where my day takes a dramatic turn..
- The prof tells us that many people in our class have approached him and emailed him saying that they do not know what or how to study for the upcoming midterm b/c the content is too ambiguous...
- In response, the prof decides to change the entire course material that would be tested to accommodate these poor folk while the rest of us are speechless, shocked, and slowly turning to anger, confusion... do you mean to tell us that ALL our hours of studying (+15 hrs for me alone... and there are many much more hardcore accountants than me in my program) have gone to waste?? to put it simply: yes. The prof specifically told us that none of the stuff which he had been telling us to study for the past 2 weeks would be on the midterm and that what he had been telling us NOT to study the whole time would be on.
- thoughts in my head: AHHHHH...omg.... i've gotta cram 280 pages worth in all of less than 24 hrs...
- class ends after 25 minutes b/c the prof "kindly" tells us that he's giving us more time to study instead of teaching a full-fledged regular class.
- On the way home, i have my freak-out. I enter my lovely apartment and try to study, but decide to take a nap to get rid of some stress and exhaustion from the days b4 (averagin 4.5 hrs of sleep over the weekend)
- My alarm clock rings at 10:55; I enroll in all my courses... many were full so I got stuck with random hrs and DE courses...that's ok :) at least there are no 8:30's offered!!
- alrite...i study for 2 hrs.... and eat some lunch while doing my intermediate financial accounting assignment which is also due tmr...
- class until 2:30
- get home from class... study, study till 7ish when i realize i need to cook smthg for dinner... cook, start studying again at 8...
- by 9, i realize that i am getting very dizzy and my eyes are heavy and on the side, i have this horrible headache...
- hence, i must take breaks every 20-25 mins or so to keep my head from bursting literally... =P
- 6 chapters studied.... 6 pages of notes double-sided written --> all in about 10 hrs...
- by the time it's 11, i can barely get through 5 minutes of studying without having to take a 1 minute break... i look in the mirror, i've got HUGE dark eye circles... and i look like i ran a 40 K marathon :D lol.... i like that hehe... i feel my head pounding... and it feels strangely more heavy than i've ever felt b4... i finish the last chapter thru the pain... and close the books..done for the day.
- as i hop on my bed.... it's wierd... cuz i sleep on a bunk bed..and it feels so hard and taxing to even climb those measly 3 steps to the top bunk... uh oh...first sign of "this doesn't feel right".
- as i lay on my back, i realize that i cannot sleep on my back tonight b/c my head feels extremely heavy in that position and uncomfortable. Fine..i move to my left side...
- With my body shifted towards the left... i realize that this is even worse... i literally feel like all the 10 hrs worth of info is squishing my brain towards the pillow.... it feels immensely painful... even worse than standing up...
- i switch to my right side... the pain goes away momentarily.... but i normally do not sleep on this side so it feels kinda soothing yet wierd....
- switching back and forth to find a comfortable position.....
- i realize that i am actually having a bit of difficulty breathing... oh crap says my mind.. i get myself outta bed and have 2 puffs of that stuff that is supposed to help me w/ i feel short of breath.... i climb those stairs again and thankfully the puffers acutally helped.... breathing is a bit easier...
- My heart cries out to God... I really cannot do this on my own...It is only thru Your power and strength that i've even survived this entire day... God I need you more than ever...
- up until this point, i haven't actually faced a physical trial in a long time (last time was gr 12 w/ pneumonia.... and the time b4 that would be 2 when i almost died to kawasaki) ... God reminds me that not only do I turn to Him for emotional, mental, spiritual trials...but also physical... and while this blog may not seem too bad to you... the past 2 years at UW has taught me that I really cannot take that much.... up until now, i've gotten sick every single final exam period... my body has always been frail and weak... but it's God who keeps my spirit alive...
- i wake up today, and it's 9:30... hehe...i count w/ my fingers how much sleep i've gotten and i praise the Lord... hehe... i find out that my fellow accountants have all pulled an all-nighter... maddd props to you...
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 9:44 a.m. (1) comments
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Yesterday nite b4 bed, i was reading "Too busy not to pray" and something really stuck out to me...
earlier on that nite, there had been a pre-study which also talked about the will of God and how to discern it. First and foremost, we have to offer our bodies as living sacrifices to our Father and as we yield to Him, only then can His will be accomplished thru us... this was such a great lead-in to the book...
Chapter Discussion - God's leadings
1. All leadings that come from God are consistent with his Word, the Bible.
2. God's leadings are usually consistent with the person he made you to be.
3. God's leadings usually involve servanthood.
hmm...just smthg to think about...
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 12:08 p.m. (0) comments
Friday, June 10, 2005
it's sooo hot in waterloo!! ahhhh.... almost unbearable... oh well!!! i must learn to be thankful for the hot weather, espeically when i constantly wish for it during the winter months =P
i've been thinking recently....
do i seek God every single day? Do i seek His kingdom? Do i continually renew my mind so that i can be transformed? and really, after pondering about it for awhile...i really cannot truthfully say that i do... i think that i just gotta keep intentionally doing it so that it becomes a natural part of me... tis very hard =P i really do see God working in my life and in the lives of those around me... but does that mean i seek him daily? perhaps not...
"as you walk with God, your faith will grow, your confidence will increase, and your prayer will have power..." hmmm...i defintitely agree with this statement by Bill Hybels... it kinda describes my walk with God starting at the beginning of first year till now... i really do see God's power moving mountains in the lives of those around me...
but this thought keeps popping in my mind.... why is it that i pray so fervently for someone (something) and then i see God's answers to prayer... and then i keep praying for a bit..then slowly, my thoughts and prayer shift elsewhere... sometimes i feel like God keeps giving me these new passions that I truly feel compelled to pray fervently for... but as these passiosn arise, some of the old passions kinda fade... and the less i think of those.. but they are in just as much need of prayer as my new passions... i do not know why this happens.... is it wrong??
thinking....
Romans 8:26 - 27
" In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intervedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."
perhaps that is the answer...
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 12:12 p.m. (0) comments
Friday, June 03, 2005
A diffenet perspective:
i don't quite know how to put this into words... but i'll have a go at it =P
so, as you all know, i'm now in my 2B term, which is supposed to be the hardest term for accountants. But on the contrary, I feel as if it has been the easiest term for me to balance schoolwork with everything else... when people ask me how i do it.. i jsut think... i don't.... it's not me doing it, it's purely God... cuz honestly, it's like God has taken my horrible time management skillz and raised them to a new level this term...
so now...it's not like i'm immune to getting bad marks (^_^, first quiz = 60%)... but it's more like immunity to the pissed-off after-feelings of getting bad marks... if you try your best in all you do, whatever mark is suffice... the amount of effort you put into your studies correlates with your mark... marks are not the be all and end all of a person... they shouldnt' hold so much power to label a person as dumb, unintelligent, and worthless in our society... i guess these were the feelings i've endured over the first 3 terms of university... and now looking back in retrospect, it's such a hard thing to comprehend... jsut the feeling of being loved regardless of your marks...
i guess i'm really really really thankful to God for taking care of me this term... in a physical, emotional, mental, and most importantly spiritual sense...
physical... hahahahaha... i really never think about this part... lol..but for some odd reason, i find myself striving to eat more healthy and exercise to keep in shape.... i guess it is a part of honouring God with our bodies.... something that i might not have been doing for a while...
emotional... this term, i feel more free...and able to express my emotions.... and it's totally okay to express them... sometimes emotions are fickle tho... i guess what's importnat is giving up your emotions to GOd... sounds kinda wierd... but guess it's a really hard thing, to surrender your emotions to God... this is espeically shown in the way in which we deal with the trials in our lives... so instead of remaining angry or stressed or worried.... (this is so hard to put into words)... try to become more at peace with the situation... this is not to say that one cannot be annoyed, sad, exhausted.. but more so of not getting so tied up in the crap you are dealing with to fail to recognize that God is at work in the situation... there will be times of sadness, times of mourning, times of hurt, and times of seeming unfairness.... but let your emotions be guided by God's ultimate principles: He will never leave you nor forsake you.
mental... i really believe that God gives each person soooooo many endless opportunites to invest themselves in... in my mental frame, I can feel God giving me new passions and new desires... but i think the sole mental state that we should always maintain is this: just to simply run after God every single day... if you've truly got your mind set on seeking the Lord and His Kingdom every day, your heart will be in tune with God's plan... for everybody, seekign GOd everyday is a constant struggle we all deal with... a constant mental battle between living for ourselves and living for God... and i do realize that there have been so manyt imes that I ahve been living for myself... those are the times that i am so lost within my own pride... God constantly pulls me out from those mentally-deprived states... Praise Him..
spiritual... embodied in the above three states...