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Thursday, January 27, 2005

I had my first car accident today.

and i hope it will be my last.... it really wasn't that bad at all...no one was hurt, my car is fine, the lady's car has a dent/scratch on it, and hopefully there will be no insurance claim....

i guess it's more the fact that i had a car accident... so off i went to work (from which i'm bloggin now)...and not in the best of moods as u can imagine... but u know what? these things happen... lol, 3 ppl have said that to me already... and i guess that makes me feel a bit better, but what am i supposed to learn from this? I must learn NOT to complain. as with everything else... complaining is horrible... who am i to complain that life is not going the way that it should be? who am i to complain that i don't deserve it, or that other people do? who am i to complain that it's not my fault??

situations are never black and white...it is not a matter of whose fault it is or if someone deserves their ill-fitted fate... i don't have the right to say that life isn't going according to my plan? why? it's not supposed to. God knows everything that is has happened to me, is happening to me, and will happen to me... and if i do in fact firmly believe that He has the best plans for me, then really, complaining is just telling God "I don't think you've got things under control" dang..now when i put it like that... complaining seems really harsh... and it is. it's easy to get into the bad habit of complaining, starting off with minor things.... the more u complain, the more bitter you become...

the question is not "why" do all these things happen to me, but it should be "how" will God use this situation to further His plan and "what" does God want to teach me? if we do not open our hearts to God during these times, embittered people will we become as our relationships with our Father weakens...

Our God is a sovereign God; there is none like Him.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 1:23 p.m. (2) comments

Monday, January 24, 2005

~~So Grateful~~

nothing happens for no good reason... and i can feel that God is taking very good care of me... He has brought so many wonderful people into my life that are a blessing to me more than they even know it =P

Taken from Jewel's Hands:
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these

I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear


Just thinking about those lyrics reminds me of a prayer meeting i went to last term in loo...asking God for adversity... up until this point, i had completely forgotten about that prayer, but when i look back upon it now, i thank God for answering my prayer... He has given me trials to face...now how will i react? Praise Him for teaching me adveristy... the road is long and dark at times...but it's a growth journey... "no pain, no gain." I think God's teaching me to have joy in taking a part of His suffering... hehe...the best part is, that He doesn't leave me to do it all myself (cuz i would MAJORLY screw it all up)... He speaks to me in various ways..and most recently, in the voices of a couple frenz... He's there.... and that's comfort enough...

and in contrast to my last post.... maybe some of those relationships which i thought were dwindling aren't... special thanks to Ray, Jeff, and Grace... i dun think any of u guyz even read this... =P

Ray: yur awesome man!!!! seroiusly~~ you gave me a lot of good advice and was so patient with me when i was whining about my bad situation... and when i was thru, u gave it to me straight~~ thanks for reminding me that i gotta learn to view things from other people's point of view, keep my temper in check, and to always remain humble... hehe... u are such a wise one!! i'm really excited at the wonderful plans God has in store for u...i can see that He is already using you.. you've got a really big servant's heart! :D

Jeff: thanks for msging when u saw my msn name... even tho we haven't talked in a long time, especially about more personal stuff..it's always easy to talk to u... i know i can always count on you to listen to me... and thanks for praying for the situation, even beginning from the summer... it's very encouraging ^_^ u always give me an optimistic outlook on the sitation when i can only see the negative view... thanks for caring, yur a great friend :)

Grace: hehe..yur so understanding... when u msged me that nite and i told u that i kinda busy at the moment talking w/ some other frenz... and even tho i didn't explain in detail the situaion, i was really encouraged that nite.. =P and the next nite, u even called!!! ^_^ hehe..made my day~ we didn't even end up talkign about it even tho you called to check up on me and i'm so thankful...i miss talking with ya!! i know i can talk to u about anything~~ yur really a great big sis in Christ!

and i know there are many others that have been praying~~ thank you!!!!!!!!! i have great faith in prayer... it's like our one and only option that is foolproof~ =P it's not magic, b/c with magic we have a set result we aim for and nothing else... but with prayer, it's open-ended what God will do... that is the mystery of it all

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 7:47 p.m. (0) comments

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Relationships (in general =P)

i think being back home has brought me to the realization that... i am not good at keeping long distance relationships... i dunno what it is with me... no willpower? no dedication? laziness? who knows.... it's unfortunate i know...

wherever i'm at, i have frenz there... ie. waterloo, rhill... but when i'm at one place, my friendships which God has greatly blessed me with tend to slowly fade away or become weaker... i guess it's natural, or that could just be one of the excuses i make for myself. it feels like a trade-off, like i can't have good relationships with everyone at the same time... what is God teaching me?

Building relationships take a lot of time, effort, and prayer.... so why is it now that i am back home...it seems that part of the passion for my waterloo buds is lost? i no longer take the time to msn/email/call them as i should... i no longer pray for all of their needs on a regular basis as i should... (NO EXCUSE) ... i no longer pray regularly for CCF and all of its various ministries... (NO EXCUSE)... i guess it's hard for me to pray for things/ppl when i don't get to be updated on their progress and when i don't know their new prayer requests... i guess it comes in part with keepin in touch w/ ppl... i've gotta learn that it doesn't matter so much about ppl's updates, but more that i continue to persevere and pray for my fellow bros and sis's in Christ and especially for my non-Christian frenz...

on the other hand, it's been awesome to be back home, despite the lack of independence... me and my sister's relationship is picking up rite where it left off when i left in september for waterloo... that's not to say there arent' any fights, squabbles, and annoyances, there are... and i know that there are things that my parents aren't pleased about with me, but i find myself so much more dedicated to home now... it's also been great to get to know new ppl at work...

so what will God do to change my heart? i dunno... but what i do know is that i've gotta be 100% willing for Him to change it and embrace the change.. pray for me guyz~~

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 1:59 p.m. (0) comments

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

*crap* i think i'm a shopaholic... o_O

yeah, seriously...since i'm come back home on the 18th...i've gone MAD shopping... i did the whole pre-christmas sale, boxing day sale, and even new year's sale shopping extravaganza.... and even after all of that, wanting to go again... *sighz* this is bad... the $ in my bank account is starting to dwindle..but not before i start to reassure myself at the mall that i'm starting co-op in a couple of days and i'll have plenty of $ to spare... dang... and u may ask, have u donated any $ to Tsunami yet Vanessa? well..the answer and is no...and why not? hmm.... laziness? i promised to give at least $200...but after evaluating my recent spending habits, that doesn't even amount to much... that's just one of the handy lil excuses that i make for myself... here's another few (all meaningless in worth) :

- i need work clothes... yes...this is true...but i really didn't have to go ALL out w/ all the dress pants, dress shirts, and ugly business jackets that i actually hate to wear... this has been the bulk of my christmas $ investments i admit...

- the stuff i buy is cheap...and usually on sale!!! yeah... being chinese...well...also being me which happens to enjoy getting deals on everything...i like to pride myself in sayign that i always get good deals...which is mostly true....i do have those days where i like to splurge on a thing or two... back to the point...this is really bad b/c i'm so good at finding deals, i get sooo much stuff... yeah...like in major quantities.... ewwwww.... = $$$$ yup yup...it all adds up =(

- haha...if i decide i dun like it..then i'll just give it to andrea =D hehe... yeah....i actually sometimes think this if i'm debating whether or not to get smthg... lol...this has resulted in a very big wardrobe for andrea :)...hehe..not jsut new stuff....lotza hand-me-downs as well...

those are just a few excuses up my sleeve.... i'll have to rack my brain to think of more... but until then... i'm gonna challenge myself:

** dun go shopping until i get my next paycheck...which who knows when it will be? end of term? end of month?
** give to Tsunami... like asap..

to some of u..this may seem like a rather superficial type of blog compared to my other ones...but it's just of a different nature.... we all struggle with different things... this is just one of my many weaknesses...


posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 11:50 p.m. (1) comments