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Saturday, September 25, 2004

CCF Bible Study Reflections:

yesterday, the purpose of the Bible studie was to get more acquainted with God's characterstics.... and during the study...one word kept popping up in almost every question that our Bible studie leader Steve asked: DELIBERATE. Yes..God is deliberate..and towards the end of the bible study... we were asked to think about what our stumbling block is...and i didn't even have to think very hard at all..when God kept putting this one word in my head: TIME.

Time. yup that's my stumbling block... and i've definitley been majorly struggling with that since i came back to waterloo this term.... time... too little of it. or time flies by too fast for me to catch up... i know God is definitley trying to teach me smthg... but i feel as if i'm just not getting it yet..and while i'm not getting it...i'm really getting a huge overload of stress... i dun even know exaclty why i have so much stress... i do have faith in God..but there's some part in me that just manages to get so overwhelmed at the things God has laid out for me this term... i truly do want to trust him more... what's stopping me from doing that? i have yet to figure out... God has definitley given me some AMAZING opportunities this term in differnet aspects of my life.

1. God's given me the opportunity to serve him in ccf this term... leading cell gorup and more so in just reachign out to the many new comers at ccf and building them up together in Christ. i really feel God moving at ccf this term..there are sooo many eager people out there that are so willing to put in their time and effort to serve Him. now about time... yes time... grrrrr... why do i feel as if time doens't allow me to fully serve him to the fullest? i need to learn how to serve him with what's he's given me and not wish for more...

2. being on co-op...this is such a great opportunity God has given me... to finally use the skills and technical gifts in accounting he's given me and allow me to use them in a hands-on work environment... and yet again..just the word co-op seems to stress me out... now that i'm kind of over the first postings...i'm alrite..but trust me...the nite before the first postings..i think i officially had a freak out!!! lol...it was pretty funnie..my brain jsut didn't function like it normally is supposed to lol... i find that i'm so impatient with regards to co-op... i don't have enough patience to wait and discover where God plans for me to be next term..i jsut want these co-op processess to be done an dover with. God, give me the strength to endure this process...

3. well... of coz there's gonna be the academic factor... yeah...skool causes stress folks!!! lol... i'm sure all the other millions of students out there know what i'm talkign aobut... trying to manage skoolwork and a social life at the same time....that's tough stuff..lol... i finally caved today and decided to go to the csa dance, but that is besides the point... there's soooo many things that are boggin me down... i need to learn to relaly give my time over to God completely in this aspect... i jsut think that my heart is not where it's supposed to be at times Lord... it's supposed to be fully focused on u Lord.. yet academics seems to sneak it's way into my daily thoughts, feelings, and actions... ther'es nothign wrong with that... but when it gets int he way of my relationship w U.... i know that's a no=no.... hehe.... turn my focus back to u Father...

so...ther eu have it... my stresses of the week..... and i know that GOd is being very deliberate in givign me these circumstances... now i'm ready... teach me what u will Lord..and i will follow... let time no longer be my stumblign block..but let it be a gift that You give me to do the things u want me to do and do them to the best of my ability.. no more..no less... Lord...i know u are there for me every step along the way at my side... so i know not to worrie... but knowing and doing is a different thing...plz allow your love to emcompass my life rite now during these tough times... God i luv u so much and i want to draw close to u again....

- amen

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 10:51 p.m. (0) comments

Thursday, September 23, 2004

i think today was the first day that i realized how much i miss being at home....it's kinda wierd cuz i miss home more now than when i was in first year! well.... i can't say that i miss livin in a sort of constrained environment, but i miss being in tune w/ my family...

haha...i also call home a lot more often this year than last year =P ~LoL!~ i really enjoyed talking to my sister tonite... even tho it was about a lot of "mo lieu" stuff... it made me really happie!! hehe... while andrea was talking to me, there were momentary pauses in our conversation...that was when she was thinking of any special news she wanted to update me on!!! somehow..this makes me feel so loved...she actually cares enough now to update me on her life and what's goin on in all aspects.... hehe..she's so cute when she gets sooo excited in telling me about her day, her new friends, how she misses her old frenz... and how the situation is at home...and even BOYS?!?!?! lol.. so after each of our phone conversations, she somehow manages to make me in a better mood than before and just brighten up my day ^_^ there's a smile rite now on my face cuz of how far God has taken our relationship... funnie... when i left home last year, she was kinda one of the main ppl i wanted to get away from..and now she's the person i miss the most!!! hehe... wierd of things turn out !~ God thank you sooooooo much.... :D

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 1:20 a.m. (0) comments

Saturday, September 18, 2004

wow!~ 2nd year is soooooo much harder than 1st year~

and i thought 1st year was bad!~ lol..now i'm kind of desperately wishing i was in first year so there would be significantly less crap to do! yeah....i'm feeling kinda bogged down w/ everything rite now... everything including: resume, cover letter, interviews, friggin 100's of pages to read per week, assignments, quizes, midterms, papers, projects, presentations, and friggin accounting events to go to like everynite!!!! and that's just the skool aspect....of coz there's gonna be well... my LIFE...

haha... yes...i do have a life... well...kind of...

this term, i've actually signed up to do a lot of stuff for CCF...ie. leading a bible study...and i'm really really REALLY looking forward to it =P it should be awesome, and even thought not that many ppl seemed interested in Steppin Stones, I think it's actually kind of a good thing... not that ppl aren't interested..but the way I see it..... the group will be a small bunch...and i luv small bunches.... i dunno why...but i thrive on them~ and i think it'ld be sooo awesome for all of us to get to know each other in a really close personal level... which is easier in a smaller setting. i can't wait to see what God intends to do for each of the cell group members this term =P i just hope, as betty said... that the ppl of ccf will eventually find a cell group that speaks to their needs in which they can really grow closer to U Lord. coolness...

grrrr....friggin Fed Hall changed it's rules this year...and now lil vanessa can't even get in cuz i ain't 19 yet...oh wellz...i guess it's a good thing...that way i won't get tempted or too distracted this term.... hehe..now i need another form of exercise jokes!

well.... it's been over a week..and to my surprise...my culinary skillz ain't as sad as it hought they were...~LoL!~ i can actually make half decent food most of the time =P *yay* the only bad thing is..that is takes SOOOOOOOO much friggin time!!! ahhh.... didn't know that =P oh wellz.... hehe... i guess i'll jsut keep tryin to cook as awesome as my mom! and as fast as her too...i dunno how she does it =P

that's it for now... afm work awaits me...grrrrr....

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 11:13 p.m. (0) comments

Monday, September 06, 2004

As I write my final thoughts down of the summer, my heart goes out to my family. The past year has definitely been quite a big struggle for all of us.... experiencing new changes, new attitudes, new behaviours, etc... and as I prepare to leave my family once again, I'm left pondering what will happen when I'm gone... and although there is the phone, email, msn, and the occasional visits, it's just not the same as living here at home with my family. I know that there's a lot waiting for me in Waterloo but part of me wants to stay at home at least until things have calmed down and reached a stable stage...while the other part of me wants to get the *ell outta here asap...

as i'm typing this, my sister has just had another one of her *itch attacks... unfortunately, it really came at the worst timing possible - my parent's wedding anniversary was today. for some reason, these bad situations tend to suck all the energy and happiness out of my home and instead leave it's mark of tension, anger, and resentment. the mood is no longer light and happy, but melancholly and troublesome...

i would gladly just stay here for another couple of months, even enduring my change in lifestyle and the lack in independance while staying here at home just to see my sister have a change from her innermost being... i feel that just as my sister and I were really beginning to bond, that i must now leave for Waterloo..who knows what the atmosphere will be like when I return...and i hate being left out of the loop when it comes to family issues... I know that God will continue to work in her...and even thought it may seem as tho the end results are so far away... i'm sure that they will come...in His time, not ours. I thank God for his faithfulness and for always shining ever so brightly in what may sometimes seem to be my dark and weary path of life.... He really is the answer to everything and He's all I ever need.

"I Simply Live For You" - Hillsongs

Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You

Chorus:
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship, we will meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
By Your word, You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 6:50 p.m. (1) comments