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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

i dunno what's been happening to me lately.... sometimes i just start to feel kinda confuzed. i'm starting to really dislike the situations that i got myself into...why must i always learn the hard way? sighz... but then again, have i actually learned from my recent mistakes? let's hope so.... oh man....i dunna what to do about this whole _____ thing.... i dunno what's going on between us now...or maybe that's just it ~ there's nothing going on b/w us now.... there's not even an us. there's just too many issues to deal with...sighz..how did things get to be so complicated _____? if something's going to happen b/w us, i dun think this is the way to do it. you seem so distant, and i've already adjusted myself to it. i know...it's a lost opportunity...but then maybe there wasn't an opportunity to begin with. even tho we may not talk, you'll continue to be in my prayers.....

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 1:55 p.m. (0) comments

Monday, March 08, 2004

hmm..after a nice and relaxing weekend, it's skool again!! ^_^ i'm so glad i have a 1:30 class on Mondays!! hehe... wake up for breakfast at 7:45 then finish breakfast at 8:40, then sleep again till 11, then take a shower, then eat lunch at 11:30...hmm....that's really unhealthy =P oh wellz...

Last Saturday, I went to see the Passion of the Christ. The movie was really moving and I guess through the movie, I caught a glimpse of how much pain Jesus endured for us. It pained me to see how much Christ suffered for me. My heart's just full of gratitude. I just pray now that every non-Christian who went to see that movie would be moved. Perhaps that this movie would spark their interest in Christianity and that they would dig deeper to find out more about this loving Father we have.

On Sunday, Dave Overholt was the guest speaker at CFC. hehe...he was actually my first TC speaker when I was in Gr. 8 (it seems like ages ago). He spoke about the courage of Christ. God compels us to love others.

Sunday nite, there was a prayer/worship event held at SLC third floor. This event united CCF, KCF, and CCC. It was amazing! I totally felt God's presence there. It was really uplifting to see a body of believers just lift up their hearts to God. We were able to be vulnerable with our own daily struggles and then come together and pray for our non-believer friends and family. All the glory is given to God. really..all i can do in response is to worship our holy God.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 12:34 p.m. (0) comments

Friday, March 05, 2004

THE PLAN IS UP AND RUNNING!!!!

this is all I have to say:
I have made up my course of action and have succeeded for one day so far! Yesterday nite, it was about 1am and I popped open my Bible to find some "guidance." I just so happened to pass by Romans 7 and I was looking at the subtitle "An Illustration from Marriage" and so I decided to read it.... i took a quick glance and well...it wasn't that relevant, so my eyes skimmed over to the next subtitle in Ch 7 "Struggling with Sin." This immediately caught my attention and I decided to read it. Oh goodness...it was so good.

"Romans 7:7-25" Here's some key points:

- sin produced in me every kind of covetous desire (v8).... hmmmm....as i sit here thinking now about it, it's true.... i guess i have been coveting what was not mine.....and i hate it. sin is deceiving me and turn, i am deceiving myslef.

- in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good (v13).... yeah....i definitely recognized it because i saw good things in my life seem to fall out of my grasp. As i realized all the things that i have been ignoring recently, it made me wonder what was the reason behind it all. God opened my eyes and now i ask for His forgiveness and strength to change.

- I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me(v14 - 17)..... yup yup... this verse hit me the hardest most definitely... this is exactly what I'm feeling... i don't really know what I'm doin rite now..and the more I search...the more i realize that what i'm doing is not what i want to do... looking at myself from an outsider's perspective, i would have never thought that this would be Vanessa Li. I would have never predicted my actions now...

-For I have the deisre to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the food I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. When I want to do good, evil is right there with me...... yeah... there's always going to be that constant battle between what i should do and what i actually decide to do... i know i'm not perfect and i never will be, but that's not the point.. the point is that i have to fully surrender myself to God and let go of all my selfish ambitions... when i try to dig myself out of the deep deep holes i have dug myself into, i just find myself deeper... this can't be rite......have faith: God is my Soul Smoother, Storm Smoother, Light Shiner, Lost Finder, Cloud Lifter, Deliverer, Heart Toucher, Truth Lover, Peacemaker, Mind Clearer, Sigh Hearer, Wound Binder, Tear Drier, Strength Giver, Provider, Heart Healer, and Kind Father.

God this is my prayer: Father thankyou for what you have already done, are doing now, and will yet to do in my life. My heart is yours for the taking Lord. You will never let me go... thankyou Father... Amen.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 12:43 a.m. (0) comments

Monday, March 01, 2004

Lately, I've been struggling with having a peace in my life. I've just been thinking/worrying way too much and thank God i'm feeling a lot more relieved now. It's amazing how God works in so many different ways. Whenever i start to get down, He picks me rite up! Nothing is ever a coincidence. Yesterday, I went to the late service at CFC for the first time and the sermon really hit me hard. It was exactly what i needed! Praise God. Here's a brief overview of what i learned:

"Progressing with Peace!"

"I am leaving you with a gift -- peace of mind and heart. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

I've got the power to choose peace.
The enemy of peace if FEAR.
What is GOD's PEACE?
It's a HEART thing.
True peace is rooted in a right relationship with God.
I've got to be at peace WITH God to experience the peace OF God.
It's a MIND thing.
God wants to replace my fear with His truth.

How to Choose P.E.A.C.E. (Philippians 4:6,7)
PRAY --> Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything
EXPECT God to act --> If you do this, you will experience God's peace
ACCEPT GOd's peace --> thank Him for all He has done
CHOOSE your attitude --> His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus
EXPERIENCE God's peace

Allow God to be Your Peace Maker.

LIFE IS 10% WHAT HAPPENS TO ME, AND 90% HOW I REACT TO IT

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 3:44 p.m. (0) comments