The_Deep_Thinker

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Weekend.

As much as some people may think i'm an extrovert, those who know me well know that i'm quite the introvert... i have my frequent anti-social days... days where i just want to be alone... days when i love just not talking at all and just thinking and praying... =) and while i'm having one of those moments now, i can't succomb to it...keep moving on and living life...

so this past weekend, i came home primarily to pick up my car and also to take a bit of a break away from waterloo and all that comes with being in waterloo... little did i know that i'ld be flooded with all sorts of emotions and pain again... it was pretty rough... and not even a full day after being back did i yearn to return to waterloo... an awkward series of events.... i had looked forward to going back home for so long..haha...

nehoos.... i'm very thankful and blessed to have been able to meet up with sally, karen, bernice, and even talk with aaron on the way back to waterloo... it's really cool to catch up with peopel and be amazed at how much they ahve grown and matured over the years that i've known them... it is such a blessing to have low maintenance friendships =) the ones that transcend time and location =) i'm really glad to hear of how God is been working in yoru lives recently and how you are deepening... i always enjoy hearing about peopel transitioning into different periods of life and the various struggles they face tehre... everyone deals with different things...

so what am i dealing with?

i guess it's just been awhile since i was last put in that position... it hurts... a lot... but at the same time, i'm so used to having to deal with that.. the words dont' really sting so much... and well of course the physical pain passes quickly... but what hurts me the most is the inability to control one's expression of emotions... the anger... the hate... the malice... it's so unhealthy.. it's like i feel that when the monster errupts, all hell breaks loose... and it breaks my heart to see the monster do its dirty work... regardless, i've got to keep praying fervently... it's always very hard for me to wake up the next day and everything is "back to normal"... the monster has gone back into its cage until the next erruption... back to the jokes, the random chit chat, the fun and games, ... it's really like nothing ever happened... what am i supposed to do? just ignore like the monster ever came out? pretend like nothing affects me? open up old wounds? try to talk it out? go on life as usual? i dunno... i dunno what's best in these situations but the Lord knows and He is faithful... He heals, He protects, He LOVES. He sees each tear that falls from our face and mends our broken wounds...

i dont' feel the stress or worries anymore... yesterday nite, i coudlnt' even get a coherent sentence out, but God knows my thoughts... He hears my cries... He searches my heart and examines my thoughts...

How deep the Father's love for us...
How vast beyond all measure....

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 6:20 p.m.

0 Comments: