I've been looking forward to going back home for a week now... and now that i'm here, again i am reminded of what it's like to be living back home...
after a gruelling day spent at DP and then driving back to Toronto (a record: 1 hr and 4 minutes from waterloo to my doorstep :P ), i walked into my home... unpacked..and walked into the living room to say hi... after a short conversation with my parents, i'm left feeling worn out again... i think that since i've left for waterloo 3 years ago, i've grown to be pretty independent... but at the same time, i still really internalize everything my parents say to me... the good, the bad, the ugly, everything.... tonite was a bit of the bad...
somehow, i give off this impression that i don't care what they say to me, when in fact i really do... i also appear to display a certain lack of respect whereas the opposite is fact true... oh... and apparently i think i'm too smart for them since i don't ask them for parental advice for the things i do... i think the words i overheard kinda hurt me... the way we really don't understand each other sometimes... i know they still think of me as a little kid: very very naive, stubborn, selfish, lacking street smarts, and definitely someone who makes rash decisions without considering many issues... hence, they feel the need to shield me from my stupidity and they want to give me the best life they can... and they have done a great job thus far, providing me with many abundant blessings... on one hand, they still view me as very immature on many different levels, but at the same time, they do their best to shelter me from the harsh ways of the world... it's semi-contradictory..... but i know they have my best interests in mind... but i can't seem to live the life God is calling me towards without appearing like i have little respect for my parents... o_O i need to open up more to them... so that they can see the real me... why i do the things i do, what drives/motivates me, etc...
=) trying to turn my thoughts into prayers...
it's been a rough week..but God is definitely telling me to be still thru it all and worship Him thru it =) slowly, bit by bit, God is revealing Himself to me and also more of His plan for me next term... it's been awesome... as i discover these new revelations and try to piece everything together, i'm excited... i don't know what the next few months will bring, but i know GOd has smthg big in store... it's like God's preparing me now for next term by testing me now on how much i really do rely on God for everything.... and whether my worry disappears because i can trust God even in times of uncertainty and exhaustion for me, because I know God has a very certain planned will... pruning is always good times... =P