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Sunday, April 23, 2006

Only 5-6 more days left of work!!!! :)

hehe..i'm very excited to get a change of pace and get outta that exhausting workplace environment... i can hide out in waterloo for 8 months until i have to go at it again =P

well...it's april 23, and as another term passes, it's time for the termly reflection of lessons learnt...

all of a sudden, i'm starting to feel old... after getting reminded that i'm gonna be one of the oldest ppl left at ccf this upcoming year, i feel so "chan" (worn out) sometimes... but i think it's kinda enjoyable in a wierd way... i think i'm at that spot in life again in between terms when i look back at the struggles i've faced and i'm kinda curious to see what's gonna happen next.... haha at the end of every term, i can't imagine the trials getting even more difficult in the coming term but there's an acknowledgement that they will... i got reminded again today at church how the closer we grow with God, the more difficulties we'll face in life... it just keeps getting harder and harder =P and at the same time we become better equiped with part of God's character being sown in us through our past experiences of faith and trust...

hehe i'm gonna try to make this as coherent as possible =P

Lesson #1
i've learnt about the importance of sabbaths and being daily renewed by God. b/c i am so stubborn and i like to rely on my own strength... i usually get screwed cuz i was being dumb =) i don't think i've ever been so tired for such an extended period of time before... last tax season wasn't as bad... but God's not gonna just renew you daily if you don't ask for it, if you dont realize that you need it, and if you don't put Him first in your life.. i think that in the past i've kinda just taken for granted that i'll be renewed by God when areas of my life become pressured... that's not the way it works though.. and i'm definitley not being humble before God if i think like that... taking for granted that God's gonna renew you is different than always having faith that God can renew you... it's like my brain wants to fastforward to the renewal stage and bypass the whole "come before God" step... (come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest" matt11:29) ... come to Him, acknowledge Him, seek Him... i think my fault in taking God for granted in this way degrades His character... and without even realizing it, my view of God becomes incomplete... i start to forget that He wants a relationship with me... and He's not only a powerful God who can do anything.. He is that, and so MUCH MORE. He's my Father, He's my Joy, He's my Hope, He's my first Love. In addition to developing an incomplete view of God, taking God for granted in giving the weary rest makes us more selfish... when we focus too much on getting rest from God, it's so easy to just want to take, take, and take some more from God without surrendering our lives to Him and worshipping God. i think it's been a struggle i've faced almost every term...and only now do i realize it... the whole "i want rest from God, and i want it NOW!" ugh!... i'm such a selfish impatient bum sometimes... well... it'll continue to be a challenge for me every school and work term but i hope that the Lord will continue to change my heart so that i can focus on praising Him.

Lesson #2
i've learnt about the importance of memorizing Scripture and being filled with the Word... or at the bare minimum, reading it over and over again in hopes of becoming more familiar with the Scripture... it's so true that God's Word protects us... it protected me from making some pretty bad choices... and especially when i was feeling distraught, God's Words appeared over and over again in my thoughts... it keeps me going when i'm exhausted... it reminds me of God's Sovereignty... i was reading Colossians earlier this term... and i was so challenged by this:

*Colossians 3:16*
"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God."

The past couple of terms at ccf, i've been hearing this verse over and over again.. in people's prayers, in people's sharings... i think the passage has come alive in my life over the past term at home... it holds so much power in my own life... not only in times of doubt and pain, but also in times of joy and renewal.... i think that is also a challenge for me... to not only remember and rely on Scripture when i'm in those downtimes..but to remember and rely on Scripture just as much when things are going smoothly... when something awesome happens in my life... i praise and thank God, but the Scripture doesn't flow out of my thoughts and prayers like they do when i'm in a downtime.... why is that?? even on my blogs... i quote Scirptures when i'm in the midst of a struggle..but why do i not quote Scripture when i'm praising the Lord? whyyy? i dunno... am i being too senstive? thoughts anyone?

*Hebrews 4:12*
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Lesson #3
waiting on the Lord =) it's soooo good to wait on the Lord... working in His time is so much better than workin in our time... especially with regards to decision making... ie. what ministries to serve in, if and how to help others, when to do things and when not to do them... i'm no expert in discovering the will of God... but i think there's a state that our heart has to be in before God reveals part of His plan to us, whenever He chooses to do so... waiting on the Lord helps get rid of all that impatience we have in us... and sometimes the longer we wait upon the Lord, we can kinda see where our intentions lie... why do we want to serve in that specific area, or why do we wnat to help that person, or why do i want to do this thing now... waiting on the Lord enables us to dig deeper and figure out if we have the right motivations and intentions for doing various things in life... there were many times when i've learnt to wait on the Lord this term and through that, He showed me where my heart was... sometimes it wasn't in the right place and the time of waiting kept me from making wrong choices... There's an overwhelming sense of peace that i can't really explain in words when we learn to wait upon the Lord... people someitmes ask.. waiting on the Lord..okay..wait for what? i've learnt this term to try to not ask that question too often.. i'm nto saying that it's wrong to wait for God's answer to prayer or guidance in decision-making..but i am saying that waiting on the Lord entails more than that... it embodies your whole soul waiting =P i'm still figuring out what it means for my soul to wait...

*Psalms 130:5*
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."

Lesson #4
this term God was so awesome and He gave me some opportunities to share with some non-believers a bit about my faith... =) very cool :D i've learnt that God's in control of these sharing times... and sometimes, God doesn't open the doors to sharing about the faith openly until a while after you meet ppl =P i think it's important to know what to say if ppl ever ask you questions...but it's also equally as important to build up friendshpis with people and be a good ambassador for Christ right from the very beginning... to be a bold ambassardor for Christ... let the Christ=like-ness just ooze out of you, from your words, your thoughts, and yoru actions... yah... sometimes i know i'm not exactly living up to the highest standard of resprenting Christ in all i do.. and i feel bad... i don't want others to think that there's nothign different in my life... and i dont' ever wanna become a carnal Christian... it's very tough... especially working in the corporate world.. and at the same time, i am no better than them... i have no right to call people worldy if they have different beliefs than me... that's what i learned... the hard way :P

Lesson #5
perhaps one of the hardest lessons learnt... and i don't even know if i can say that i learnt it..more like still trying to figure it all out... i think i can say that i've forgiven a particular person..but i'm still trying to reconcile accepting the person for who they are despite their shortcomings with relearning to respect that person again.... i'm rather lacking in the respect part...and that's no good.. 1) the anger has passed away... 2) the pain has been rehealed.... 3) the forgiveness is there.... 4) the respect is not tho... i really thank God for being with me during those 3 initial steps... and now in the 4th step... God was soo patient with me in those different stages over such a long period of time... haha it's a miracle that God already got me this far :P ... it took a lot of brokenness... i dun know exactly how to describe those times of brokenness this past term other than.... it was toughhhhh :P haha... but God's pruning always is :) or it won't work as well... hehe

.... so there u have it... i think the top 5 lessons i learnt this past term... up next: 3B in loo...

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 7:34 p.m.

1 Comments:

=]

term reflections are awesome. i'm encouraged to read your sharing of the lessons you've learned lately ^^ w00t!

By Blogger PlayerWon, at 3:42 p.m.  

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