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Saturday, February 25, 2006

It's time to suck it up

i wonder... are the accusations true?

let me try to do some soul searching.... (this post will not make sense to people. it's okay. it's my personal reflection time)

do i really portray myself as a person who does not care about others? do i really enable others to perceive me as being selfish? do i really just only look out for myself and not for you guys? do i really get too involved w/ them and not involved enough with you guys?

sighz... what am i doing wrong to make it seem that way? when in fact, i face a daily battle to try to fight through it empowered only through the Holy Spirit. i try to fight the discouragement... i try to fight the pain... and at the end of the day, I'm getting to know God deeper in my broken state...

what would make you happy? i honestly don't know... i'm not searching for your approval... but in some sense, perhaps i am... i think i'm more searching for your support in the things i do... but instead, i get all these accusations... i know you dont' see the value in all these things... but i do...my life runs way deeper than you think... i would sacrifice so much do to these things... but in the end... i think i've sacrificed the identity you form of me.... it's something i dont' want to sacrifice... should i have to? can the two ever run parallel with each other?

haha... if you're sick of it, i'm sorry. it's not fair that you have to listen to it...

what's God trying to tell me? am i listening with open ears to what He has to say? is there something in my life that is blocking me from hearing His voice clearly?

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despite how tough things can be, i give thanks to the Lord. You renew me day by day. It is Your face i always seek. May all glory, honour, and praise be unto Your name.

amen.

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btw... listen to the song... it's got awesome lyrics... (mercyme: Homesick)... hehe.. it captivates some thoughts so well...

Mercyme - Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~  -- 12:18 a.m.

1 Comments:

random acts of kindness- if only ppl did that more we would be more of a community =)

YA! it was good talking to you to! even though it was so short. we need to talk face to face more.

my frustrations come from certain "things" with ppl who arent' willing to compromise for the greater group and i find that i'm always accomodating, but they aren't..
i'll work through it though- praying about it (or else I'll go crazy!!)

By Blogger sajoy, at 12:40 a.m.  

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