it can be so subtle, yet so significant at the same time....
lol...so i'm back to my regular routine of just evaluating and reflecting upon life..and whether i'm following God wholeheartedly each day....
this past term, it's pretty wierd... people who i have not even kept in contact much are telling me how much i've changed...and i honestly didn't even think about it till recently.... it's craize b/c these are the peopel whom i only talk to once or twice a term tradtionally since my 1A... and it's these people who find the most significant change....
first and foremost...i would like to praise God for all that He has done in my life... all the glory really belongs to Him..and to Him alone...
well... goin into waterloo at the young ripe age of 17 brings something new to the university life that previous people entering at an older age may not experience as heavily.... at 17, the world is... so big..and you really just wanna jump in and experience everything that you possibly can..the good, the bad, and the ugly.... growing up, i've never felt quite as challenged in my elementary and high school life compared to university... life was so much simpler in those days and at times, i do admit that i'ld love to go back to those days....
first year brought many new challenges and difficulties.... lol..the world of drama ..haha.... some of you know what i'm talkign about... it's all about trying to fulfill your own dreams.... excel in all your courses, be way above average in doing so, bieng independent in everything, enjoying different pleasures of life not previously known, finding a guy and then doing all you can to try to make things work... and most importantly, trying to grow deeper in my spiritual walk... but i suppose i thought of all these different things as separate from each other...
second year arrives... and i no longer find myself a lil froshie... no longer have "special treatment" =P hehe..and i find myself in that upper year role suddenly... and simultaneously i find myself serving at ccf...getting much lower grades (ok..well about 5% drop) from first year... crazy interviews and co-op stresses...all of which i had not experienced before... lol..all the stress attacks from 2A simmer down as i entered my first co-op work term... only to RAGE again due to different things... mainly due to some family things back at home.... not to mention working 7 days a week.... i head into my 2B with many issues unresolved....
at the same time.... i miss home and i am glad to not be home... and living alone in my 2B proved very beneficial... 2B's been pretty interesting.... haha..finally finding a lot of time to studie..and be involved in other activities (ASA & CCF committee).... and i think i finally know why.... life is not meant to be cut up into each of it's little subsections with no correlation to each other.... rather, everything is in direct linkage to your own spiritual journey with God... each and every thing i think or do is a representation of Christ in me... do i represent Him? or fail miserably trying to do so.... it really encourages me to try to expound GOd's love to others in a way that is pure and unconditional...
along the way.... there are so many barriers to doing that... haha... - one namely being patience.... yes... patience.... or lack of to be more precise =P - fear is another one... i would like to think that i'm not afraid of many things...but indeed, the fear of failure has it's little handy ways of creeping up.... but really now... one must think...by whose standards am i evaluating myself to.... and the answer does soon come to be my own standards...and not GOd's.... - exhaustion... over-exhaustion... whatever u wanna call it... yeah.... it takes a while to realize that even if you are tired, that does not give you any leeway in acting in a less loving way towards others... it does not give you the green light to not put so much effort into all the GOd has entrusted to you... and truly.. to find strength in God... always a challenge, yet always attainable.... - pain.... yes...of course pain is painful...but that also does not grant you the right to not love others... such a hard thing to learn..and i for sure dun even got that down yet... can i honestly say that I MARVEL in GOd's presence in the midst of pain... - and most of all pride... yes...that friggin thing in your heart that has the ability to consume oneself... this is perhaps the most subtle of all... becaue it's so subtle, i think a good way of coming to grips with it and eventually overocming it...is to really allot some time periodically to evaluate yourself in terms of pride... do you harbour any pride... why.... how does it affect your life... how can you change it...
i think...in bringing GOd's love in your life and sharing it with others in the most unselfish way ever, we constantly challenge ourselves to get outside of our own little bubbble... stop caring only for ourselves... the world is a lot bigger and there are millions of people who are yearning for their needs to be met (wether physical, emotional, spiritual, etc).... so how are YOU loving them?