The_Deep_Thinker

Sunday, February 13, 2005

"I don't know what's the becoming of you."

- my dad coined this phrase starting around the time i entered high skool... and each time those words are spoken to me, a part of me is hurt/lost/reflective... each of these 3 words have their own meaning...

1. Hurt - well, i suppose it always hurts a bit when someone tells u they're pretty disappointed in you... and it's worse when it's coming from yur own family, yur parents especially... i guess growing up i've always felt that i needed to make my parents proud and to live up to their expectations of me... which leads me to....

2. Lost - aka confused... i dunno what my parents expect of me all the time... hence, i sometimes can't figure out whether i'm living up to their expectations or not... then i start to think...

3. Reflective - am i living up to God's expectations of me? am i doing what He wants me to do? and the answer usually ends up being "no." somewhere along the path of my busy little life... some of my priorities are screwed up or i'm not being obedient to Him in some way... or i jsut plain dun show God's love in my life as I should...

to answer the original question "what's the becoming of you?" this will be my dad's reponse:
- a girl who has lost the passion to learn more about God... who doesn't attend sunday skool...

my response:
- i do wanna learn more... and this is something that i've been struggling w/. jsut b/c i dun attend sunday skool doesn't mean i've lost the passion to learn... i'm learning to be more dilligent in my prayer life and also

pause - as my dad enters the computer room.... here's the convc. we just had (all paraphrased of coz)

dad: u dun go to sunday skool... how do u get nurturing? how can u expect to lead a small group or others in bible studie when u yurself dun learn more? from now on, i want you to lead me in bible studie and we'll see how good you are. you always whine about goin to this church and goin to that church... but even look at your sister, she's settling down now and has friends at church.... (leaves room)

unpause

me thinking now: crap crap crap!! darn it.... he's rite... =P i need to get off my lazy *ss and start doing smthg rather than complaining how i havne't found the rite church... and also as elaine from winter retreat advised me " just go to a church and stick w/ it" oh man... maybe this is God's way of telling me... stop being so stubborn vanessa... fine fine..i will give it a try..... sunday skool: BRING IT.

posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 8:31 p.m.

1 Comments:

my dearest vanessa,

oh man... how i know how you feel. remember the past summer? problems at home and hearing the EXACT same thing... and it HURTS!! first bitterness then anger then sadness and then TRUE reflection. all my prayers go out to you as i know the struggles we all have within our family... and church as well. and its sucks eh? to know what you're missing but not being able to kick yourself into doing it?!! argh... makes me so angry! but i know the Lord is faithful and if you ask Him to help you see through this, I am fully assured that HE will come through no matter how hard or difficult church and sunday school is. you've already taken that first innitative and step! We have a lot to talk about when i get back!!!! much love my dearest siter!!
*muah*
- dren

By Anonymous, at 11:14 a.m.