posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 4:03 a.m. (1) comments
Monday, August 14, 2006
Completed 3B: BAFM
I've been home for a few days now and marks came out yesterday... i've been looking forward to this break in between school terms for awhile =P haha need my break b4 goin back for 4A...
starting near the middle of this term, I began to think and pray about next term's ministries... as I prayed for God's revelation... boy, did He ever reveal it =P for the period july-august, it felt as if God was tugging my heart in two completely different directions... and I really felt at a loss in terms of where God wanted to lead me... tugging my heart doesn't even fully encompass what I felt during the past few months... it's kind of hard to explain... it's part of the mystery of God's will... it's kinda how you know exactly when God is laying something on your heart... at first, i thought that these two ministries were completely separate from each other and that i would need to choose one to focus primarily on b/c trying to do too much can lead to negative consequences in spreading yourself too thin... so as this internal mental conflict continued and as I continued to pray, i knew that God was prodding me towards serving Him in both areas next term... the pressure lessened for a few weeks after I made that decision to commit to serving Him fully in both areas... recently the pressure has been starting to mount again as more brothers and sisters come...
i've been trying to discover why I feel this massive amount of pressure on my shoulders; it's not exactly very God-honouring o_O... i want to know exactly why i've been failing to trust in God's Sovereignty in this matter... why do i feel as if the load is too big for me to handle? am i giving up my burdens to God? why am i failing to believe that He is the potter, i am the clay? why do i wonder why God seems to be entrusting me with so much? Am I laying at the feet of the cross? God is in control, not me.
i think i got a bit overwhelmed to say the least =P not cool... haha... i dont' even know how it happened... but by the end of this term, it became apparent somehow that i was thrust into this particular role... to be blunt, i don't really always want to be in that role... haha but it's really not about me =P i really need to suck it up and submit to Him... we're all God's servants... who am i to say i'm unfit for service in God's kingdom if God actively calls me to it?
we shall see what the new term brings =) it's pretty exciting stuff :P
"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" -- Revelations 5:13
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i've been skimming another book by Jerry Bridges..
this stuff is amazing =) haha so tempted to go buy these two books for myself as well...
Why do most Christians not experience holiness more in daily living?
Bridges believes that "our first problem is that our attitude toward sin is more self-centered than God-centered. We are more concerned about our own "victory" over sin than we are about the fact that our sings grieve the heart of God. We cannot tolerate failure in our struggle with sin chiefly because we are success-oriented, not because we know it is offensive to God. . . . God wants us to walk in obedience -- not victory. Obedience is oriented toward God; victory is oriented toward self. That is not to say God doens't want us to experience victory, but rather to emphasize that victory is a byproduct of obedience. As we concentrate on living an obedient, holy life, we will certainly experience the joy of victory over sin."
Bridges makes such a good point... and even tho the book was written in 1978, it's more apparent now in our culture... the success-oriented part of our nature... de-emphasizing obeidence and overemphasizing wanting to be victorious over sin... i think sometimes i catch myslef in those phases as well... with my brain automatically reverting to the notion of being victorious over sin rather than grieving God. it's a rather scary thought to think how often we are selfish even in dealing with our sin... it makes matters worse that we do this subconsciously and we begin thinking that it is the norm by which we are to approach tackling sin in our lives...scary stuff...
posted by ~*~VaNeSsA~*~ -- 8:04 p.m. (0) comments
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Day of Rest
it's sunday again =) and i've only got 1 more final to go on friday... trying to finish strong =) this past week, i've been cast into the "mother" role since my housemate is sick and he doesn't really know how to take care of himself... spent +2 hrs at the medical walk in clinic in kitchener today after lunch... it worries me how sick he is... keep his health in your prayers =)
hehe... i'm currently taking advantage of my ability to read quickly.. rite now, i'm skimming this book by mark buchanan about sabbaths... hehe, it's actually a present for a friend, but i'm just getting little snippits of information before i give it away... call me cheap =)
some interesting quotes from the book:
1. "busyness makes us stop caring about the things we care about. Busyness also robs us of knowing God the way we might (through being still)"
2. "indeed, the worst hallucination busyness conjures is the conviction that I am God. All depends on me. How will the right things happen at the right time if I'm not pushing and pulling and watching and worrying? Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you."
3. "I waver between these two things -- my experience of God's Sovereignty and my need to take hold of it afresh. One minute I'm declaring that I do rest in him, the next exhorting myself that I can. And the exhortation moves the inside to the outside, from myself to the congregation, from testimony to liturgy -- trust in him at all times, O people."
4. "That's the first orentation for good Sabbath-keeping, the Godward one. It is to practice, mostly through thankfulness, the presence of God until you are utterly convinced of his goodness and sovereignty, until he's bigger, and you find you rest in him alone."
5. Buchanan was analyzing the Exodus and Deuteronomy passage regarding the 10 commandments, and specifically the one about keeping the Sabbath holy. He makes this very interesting comment: "The Exodus, command, with its call to imitation, plays on a hidden irony: we mimic God in order to remember that we're not God. In fact, that is a good definition of Sabbath: imitating God so that we stop trying to be God." We mirror divine behaviour only to freshly discover our human limitations. Sabbath-keeping involves a recognition of our own weakness and smallness, that we are made from dust, that we hold our treasure in clay jars, and that without proper care we break."
6. Isaiah 58: 13-14:
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.